Lights, Camera, Action!
Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today, within the private and intimate surroundings of the world wide web, to pay our lasting and sincere respects to the aquatic legend: Christophe the Goldfish. Now much has been documented about Christophe's stellar rise from the tough streets of Birmingham to finding his place amongst the nation's heart. We are also all-too-familiar with the tales of his excessive demands, wild erratic behaviour and (let us not forget) the countless "kiss-and-tell" groupie stories that have since emerged from his underwater lair.
But behind all the hype, the glitz and the glamour, Christophe was indeed an original, a one-off who brought much joy to the people wherever he went. So large was the outpouring of grief when the news broke, that calls have been made for there to be a national day of mourning and for books of condolences to be made available at all good aquariums. You see, Christophe proved to us all that even a little malnourished goldfish with a runny tummy, can make it out of the hood with just a dream and become a star.
However, there have been rumours circulating the events that led up to his tragic passing. Some say that he had deep underworld shark connections from which he couldn't truly escape from. Others say that he was involved in a secret rivalry with Russell's cat Morrissey in a bitter competition for attention. In fact during this past week (while we've been using Tim Westwood's studios at Radio 1 to record) we received an exclusive track featuring Christophe's distinct vocals ominously rapping about his own demise......curiouser and curiouser(!)
Russell was in a much more of an upbeat mood this week (despite this sorrowful news) and seems to be settling in abroad. Our Man in Hawaii has been talking to all sorts of movie moguls and has now decided that he wants to produce a film...... the only problem is that he doesn't have a script (a minor detail in Russell's eyes!) or any footage. Now I have seen some of Russell's earlier home-made movie efforts (from many years ago) and honestly, I can't conceive his ideas ever making it past the film-censors (in ANY country!).
Personally, I think that he should re-enact the scene when he went on stage and danced at one of Westwood's gigs last year. I was there that night alongside thousands of other Hip Hop/Reggae fans and it was truly a sight to behold! It has to be said, that Russell's rendition of the "Crazy Frog" was one of the most moving displays of choreography that the history of dance has ever witnessed (trust me, there wasn't a dry eye in the house!).
So what other ideas for titles, scenes and scripts do you think that Russell should try and pitch to these moguls? My suggestion for "The Return of Christophe: the Killer Vampire-Fish" has already been panned!
Let's Go Video
If they were to shoot a movie of your life,
To whom would you assign the limelight?
Or the soundtrack for the main actors...
...as you shout "Lights, Camera, Action!"
The saga begins...
shhh... the audience listens in,
Awaiting for the start of your drama to begin.
Take 1:
Surf-God breaks off unrequited love,
Christophe's whisked-off to the heavens above,
Sun-burnt bruises, horse prostitution,
On Heat's "Spotted" page, with a dodgy constitution!
Take 2:
As ball-cupping Russell gets into tune,
Screaming "30 seconds Gee" and Westwood's pimp'd porridge is due,
So can a video camera aperture, ever truly recapture,
the cinematic banter of the talkative two?
I say Wogan killed Christophe. He was jealous of his charm and wit.
wow, what a sorrowful description of Christoff's life, a nice send off i must admit. I really like the format of the poem this week aswell nice! Why did Christoff have to go :(
i personally think that christophe was stealing russ' limelight a bit and therefore russell hastily had him 'whacked'
little did he know that many of that little fishywishy's adoring fans would be on to him like a kettle of hawks.
a movie about the fish's rock and roll lifestyle would only seem appropriate considering the magnitude of his fan base.
R.I.P Cristophe - your legacy will last life time
I loved that ickle fishy-wishy. Russ should dedicate an entire chapter of his book to christophe and make a film about him.
have christophe burried in the studio.
Hi Mr Gee. A film for Russell would have to be `Twin Peaks` all the way, with him as the central character, some evil puppets and henchmen to a cause only Russell understands. I love the sketches on the E4 programmes where Russell seems more `Papa Lazarou` than fluffy. Cue the weird face paint, the hilarious dark and twisted themes (I admit that the eating of baked beans from a vibrating womanhood turned me right over). See you at the Str8 Outta Shoreditch (S.O.S) on Thursday xx
RIP Christophe, possibly the most legendary fish that ever there was.
It seems a shame to be commemorating his death the day after the birth and death day of a poet nearly as great as Mr Gee, Mr Shakespeare himself, and on the 16th birthday of the writer of this comment.
He will truly be remembered amoung fellow Russ followers as the best pet fish we ever did hear of.
Tinyt xxxx
i wanna be Casper!
I have it on high authority from Ken Bruce that Jeremy Vine had Christoph assasinated!.
Yes, he even did a debate on the rights and wrongs of keeping aquatic creatures in captivity.
Suspicious! First he got the nation on side and then stealthily put a bad vibe on in his little bowl.
No he wasnt happy about the little fellow stealing his thunder.
The idea of another fellow leading the way with more empathy for the problems of the world.
Oi, yestarday I,m sure I saw a piccy of Russell with no top on in shades and with nice tattoos, I was saving that for today to look at, as I didn hav time yesterday. I cant find it now. If youve taken it off, I will forever wonder why I didnt grab the opportunity to get my fix when I had the chance.
If you put a pic of Mickey up, we,ll all be so crytical as you,v built im up to be a God! Like Mr Muscle!
Hows the filming comin on? Are you injecting the Russell MAGIC? You,d better be, you saucy chap.
I like the last piccy on the horsy series, with the hair all windswept.
Are you venturing into the unknown? Takin a few, risks to discover the real Hawaii!
Now you,re a budding film star Russell!
Will you be as famous as Tom Cruse, Adam Sandler,Dicky Gere, Ey?
I love it when theres a twinckle in the leading mans eyes!
From this you may be offered loads of Blockbusters!
Apart from that, the most important thing is to have a good time.
Hope Mats moved in ok now.
That Tim Westwood bit was great and I will forever laugh about Russ,s anacdotes in Westys accent. About the porrige, pound sandwiches, an gettin pain killers off is Mum.
Not long now til the Satdiy show. Take care,Loverly London Bowiys!!!!
Alwite G? Nice Poems.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I love the poems and blogs Mr Gee, you're great at summing up the atmosphere of the show and Russell's crazy antics! RIP Christophe
I remember we are connected , even if you who read this and understand that your thoughts don't go unnoticed, you will see a few good men and women, and i have a friends who are women and i am so happy, and they will have a response to your thoughts in your day. do not worry, as God is present, and money will not buy you understanding, I had know thing, then everything, and its true in both situations you can not expect, love. money is not the answer, stop fighting over it, all i needed was......... you
Know light was as bright, as the one who sold his soul to say listen to me, my light is brighter, than god, Jesus. please don't go on the angle of religious fanatics, as even i have that covered, now if i understand and you don't what can i tell you, know thing, if you can tell me know thing, then i know know thing, but then what if you tell me something, what am i a religious fanatic, you then run in and stamp on what i said, in a dream, i want to listen and wake up for a day of understanding of A/ i am a fool for saying it, or B/ you have it covered, and leave it to me , I don't want to see or hear a persons voice on the subject of free will and to talk about there, I know, i don't want the world, make way for God. its good.
gee youre amazing and i love yooooo!!
In pic 12 of ol'russ' photos, has he been crying?
has mike rejected him?
ahhhhh
and i see what russ means about the eggboxes, thats mental!
Apologies are due!
Yes there have been remarks that could av bin nicer, gud things to say , in the favour of Jerry Vine.
I feel like I,v tret im rather like a bit of a svine. Which is regrettable.
So sorry Jer.
I liked is show, on young widows dealing wi berievement, which had an inter generational appeal.
The presenter was very sweet and caring, giving full empathy to his guests.
I felt very ashamed fer me remarks and with mocking intonations.
The show e presents is very well researched and it is clear that alot of care goes into those shows.
Today aL Jer said, should we be proud and bald? mmmm?
P.A.D. mmmm?
My son interjected that when e was at school the kids called im gay, when they saw him wearing a Gap t shirt.
I asked him why and he said, they said it stood for Gay and Proud.,well, what do you say.
Children can be an enigma!
When I went to a single parent support group,in the deep south a more rural, and less evolved part of the country.
the woman runnin it, asked what we cud call the group, so the big wigs fundin the group could come along for an open day, to see how well their money was bein executed.
Well, I suggested we should call it "Single and Proud!"
It wasnt received well at all, I didnt go again, or take some canned food that was offered me on the table on the way out. To cut a very meaningless story short, an not worth tellin, It cudv bin, S.A.P.
Doesnt Russell look lovely in is Bikinini!
OOH! Ez a lovely lukin bowiy!
Ow dus e do it. Life can be so unfair, lovees, oh there is nt the smallest shred of cellulite.
I was wonderin if the picture would be forwarded to one of the magazines that show well known people on the cover, with lines felt tipped on and a comment sayin "Look, NO cellulite"
" Russell Brand was spotted on a beach in Hawaii, he has been on a special diet of AULMONDS ans PISTACHIOS
Rocking Superstar is hoping to have a baby with long term boy friend Mat Morgey. The couple have bin trying to enhance their conception chances , they said , by ,mixin fluids on sunlit beaches, in their tropical paradise. while filmin in Hawaii", "the couple are gettin over their recent split when for a brief interlude, Russell was seen dating Mikey."