The Son has Got His Hat On
The sun really came out to play this weekend. Everywhere I looked I saw: brighter colours, tighter tops, freshly washed cars, people socialising outside of bars and glorious glorious sunshine! It's amazing how the weather can make all the difference to a person's mood and general outlook. As I left the radio station on Saturday morning I had a little kick in my step and smile on my face as I greeted the sun's rays and welcomed the day.
It was a good day indeed, later on I was invited to go around to a friend's house for a birthday party. There was food, there was drink, music was playing and everyone was enjoying themselves. That is until someone decided that we should all play in a "friendly" game of Monopoly. Now I don't know about you, but I have yet to be involved in a game of Monopoly that didn't have a serious side to it. There's just something about that game that brings out the competitive side of people....(ok...I admit, usually in men!).
I remember a few years back, I was around Russell's mum's house with a few mates and we also decided to play a "friendly" game of Monopoly. It started off innocently enough, with Russell jovially demanding a recount when he drew a Community Chest card which stated that he'd won only "the second prize in a beauty pageant!". He also insisted on constantly trying to doff the little steel top hat while speaking in Dickensian tones every time he landed on Whitechapel.
The game continued and with each roll of the dice the pace quickened. Old friendships and years of shared recollections counted for naught, as several pairs of eyes scanned the board seeking different ways in which to outdo each other. Despite our desire to win, we all played that cool nonchalant game of pretending "not to take it too seriously". Every now and then though, our facade would be exposed by the little yelps of despair let out when the dice inevitably betrayed us.
In the midst of all this was Russell's mum. She tried to temper the growing competitive mood with well-placed offerings of tea and biscuits. Looking back now, I can see that this was a part of her ingenious plan(!) For while the guys were all trying to out-strategise and out-manoevre each other, she sailed around the board undetected. In the end, she won by bankrupting everybody and buying up everything (literally!).
It was probably the most comprehensive victory in a game of Monopoly that I'd ever witnessed! Wherever you landed on the board, Russell's mum would be waiting there to collect her rent and offer you a digestive biscuit! The game concluded with Russell doffing his little hat and making the apt declaration "Guys, I'm going to jail....it's just too scary with my mum out there!"
It must've been the biscuits!
Beating The Clock
My watch-face is glistening and time is still listening,
To my lone pen's quick-scribbling,
As it curves and bends towards the finishing.....line
And so now I'm delivering my synopsis of the show,
The clock dictates the flow and plots the way it goes:
Tick Tock, Streams Crossed?..... We ain't afraid of no Ghosts!!
The ink explodes as I'm told about Russell's "Multi-functional" coat,
My hand swerved as I heard about the surf-instructor's abode,
Conducting the code as we market a new Brand of cologne,
Made from freshly-squeezed "Ormonds" causing Casper to moan,
In the zone where Matt magically "releases" as the pressure unloads,
The revolution is coming with a mallet and it's hitting the road,
The clock interrupts abruptly and screams our time's up:
My pen then goes to sleep,
Job complete,
Until it's released for next week's write-up!
LMAO! Russell's mum as the monopolistic tyrant! Btw, I can definately see Russell speaking in that Dickensian tone throughout the game.
Hi Mr Gee, Ive always fancied playing Star Wars Monopoly, bikinied up like Princess Leia and threatening to rip the head of fellow competitors like Chewbacca if they didn鈥檛 let me win. Matt seems very Qui-Gon Jinn and I can imagine you all sitting round and doing this. Russell鈥檚 mum would own half the galaxy and by brandishing digestives instead of a light sabre, would reign supreme as the true purveyor of The Force. xx
I've got essex monopoly at home. I would be interesting what tales russell would have of his childhood in essex. But i'd definately miss the lack of 'dickensian gent' in this format of the game. I have unfortunately grown to detest monopoly; it takes for too long and too much brain energy. Russ's mum probably one because here head was constantly straining from thinking whilst getting all the biscuits
ROFL!! I can imagine how shocked you all were when she beat you thats funny. what happenned to the acceptace speech blog that was on here? I'm sure i watched it last week. Perhaps Russ had to sell it off so that he could pay his outstanding monopoly debts! nice poem gee.
I once got kicked out of my friend's house for cheating on a board game similar to Monopoly. I was doing so well until I got found out :(
Nice blog and poem Gee! x
Herro Raggi!!
Prank calls-When my mum used to leave me home alone,i used to climb up on the fridge and call the police then put the reciever to the radio.This became my pastime until they called back one day. I swore blind to them that I hadnt phoned. When Mum drove into the drive in the car, I stood there and cried ,to her,as she got out - the police phoned and think I called them and I didnt Mummy!!!!.I diddnt honest. I got off lightly.Normally I,d av had me neck rung!
I,ve just had the most amazing weekend!
After 8 years of iving in a darkened room, the room called , no going out
.
Karas mum came out to babysit-babysit! no one eva babysits. mm now your talking.
.the last time her mum babysat and we went out was 8 years ago.~
when we went clubbin and I went flying off a table then punched a GI in the mouth, he later asked me to his works do after buyin me a kebab. But due to pullin Mr Beaky the week earlier {looked like that eagle in the muppets,eyes hidden under heavilly browed large forhead} ,an im throwing up on my leg,, I didnt want to take any chances its amazin who looks cute when youre wearin those vadka glasses.
So .....
Karas mum took herbert to see Spidey,leavin at 7. We then proceeded to turn ourselves into suitably sexy lookin dogggs dinnners.
We teased my hair up into a wig that Lilly Savage would be proud of.
Tried perseveeringly through uncontrollable laughter and chortelling to apply false eyelashes and eyeliner-so bold they would have caused a tornado hurricane.
thankfully we diddnt make the ussual mistake of having red lipstick that bled out so we looked like a coupla clowns by th end of the evening. we have learned our lesson and i used a racey valentino lippey wheras Kara usses a very good technique of coting hers in a sort of stay on varnish. eack a valid way to combat looking a very bad lip job or at worst the lead singer of the cure, god rest is soul.
oh come on you savage bowiys.
Give the ald ladies a chance.
Kara isnt ald shes only a coupla months apart from russ. I......42 on Wednesday, felt like barbara Cartland and spent the whole night expressing my fear of this fact, trying to sound humerous about it.
Now........... I want to talk about the night! So shut up!
CALM DOWN DEAR!! CALM DOgh as Homey would say.
I am not gettin to the point, coz I,m in this I bar drinkin wine and now atfer drinkin half a glass of wine im a tint bit sozzled. PLUS the guys near me keep tapping me on the shoulder an tellin me I,m a Porn Star.
Now Im confused as to whether its complimentary or not.
I asked the kind barman who gave me this laptop and his own ear phones, which are falling out of my ears with determination.
He would not comitt as he kicks a little ball around behind the bar.sed e was sittin on the fence.
I let him listen to Russell talkin about runnin round in is chav and army boots shoutin~
COOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!~~~~~~~
to the 2000 GIs decendin ot the Turtle bay resort.
He laughed so loud, ez mad e is!
............................................ Back to our night out, we went to the 1st bar an asked where was gud to go. they told us to avoid one place, which was like a red rag to a bull and I made a mental note to go there.
The next gaff was full of lovely stags all dressed up as cowboys an indians.
they had old favorite dico music on and we slided on to the dance floor to work our stuff.
........ the pay off was first option of all the best lookin blokes.
.............There is benefits to having strong animal magnetism.
Then we went to that bar we were warned about.
It was heavin, Heavin it were,............... well only once we,d got the place on the right track of propper old hedonistic writhing grinding mayhem!!!
WHOOOOOOOO..........HOOOOOOO
There was a sea of beautiful young men who all looked like models!
The stag cowboys were there tooo, bonus.
One of whome had taken a fancy to me and amazed me by bieng thoroughly turned on by me fat belly and boobys, I was trully very flattered indeed. Amazed actually, he put his arm round me in a triumphantly pally, mates way, in his right had was a bottle of bluey green stuff, which unknown to him got thoroughly poured down my front lady chest.
Well start as you mean to go on!
My mate Kara sed e wasnt that bad, really but i drew attention to his eyes which made him look like,Frankenstein. He had a tooth missing as well. There was no was I was goin near im, I was just using im to get in ,with the better looking cowboys an indians, its like a bike you never forget once u ve learned to ride, its like the secret of the magic of fire really.
We danced on the stage and I was annoyed coz we started aquiring irrattatin hanger onner muppets! They were undermining my effort to exude sexiness. Although I must confess that later I did encourage one. Normaly if he,d bin somewhere where there were less gud lookin young crumpy bowiys under 22, he,dv probably bin a bit of a catch
But that one I did invite by pointing to him and miming to the words, "I wanna have SEX on the BEACH" Hung round like a bleedn luvd up lap dog after that.
We did the full shabang of wigglin an grindin to the bace like propper al show girls, an then when we went to the ladies, turning the corner to leave the bar and decend the stairs to walk down the corridoor,I was like an old Granny with her zimmer frame.Clinging onto the hand rail and hobblin along tum hanging out and hunched up.
Panting out "OOH you av to work it to get a result.! Not like the old days where youd walk in a room and turn a few bonces!
I was out of breath after two minutes and needed a wee every time I ad a drink, I made a mental note to have a cathata fitted if we eva go out next time.
Lads were grabbing our arses and sayin you go girl. They were such a polite lot, when we loked at them they smiled in a HELLO way. I was amazed. I thought theyd av barred me at the door. Sorry your not comin in you are a saddo and we only let cute young horn boxes in.
One guy just couldnt help imself I dont hold any grudges, but when e was dancin wi me e ad is hand on me sides then before I knew what was appnin DIVED int me cleavage and went BRRRRR SHAKIN IS EAD AROUND .
We wont speak of that again!!!! WHAT a nawty bowiy, oooh I say!
I ad a coupla brandys coz the Archers and Malib just werent doin the job and I was raring to GO!
Two brandies later,I was laughing at Kara who was dancin ....when a a t.shirt flew and hit her on the head,,I laughed too soon because in the next instant a pair of feet were decending on mine. Some bloke ad been thrown throught the air by is mates.
To tell you the truth I was just laughing so much.
When we were dancing there was like half a second delay to keepin to the rythm, because my feet were sticking to the floor with all the drinks on it.
Oh it were hilarious. Even walking along, the feet wud stick.
Never known anyfin like it,mates.Whata scream!
These two addonnises were dancin like Justin Timberlake stylee, bloody ell they were gorgeous, but Kara shouted "I think ez gay beck" another guy thinkin she was talking about him, said, ***K OFF! Then proceeded to get me all close an garble,"Where you from?", I lied " Windsor", again e asked "Where u from", An i shouted WINDSOR lookin laughingly at Kara, coz we,d agreed earlier that we, be from Windsor. Then he tried to kiss me and I did a Keanu Reeves special, like in the Matrix and super humanly swung back, to avoid the dreaded thing from ever happening. At which point he slurred into my ear, Why dont you take me home for the night, to your place?"
As if.
Now,............it was all like a beautiful dream, bieng enchanted by some angels from heaven....... There was one guy who came to dance with us and he was SO beautiful, and calm, I was looking at him like scooby does to shaggy when a ghost is about to come, in my eyes I was pulling all sorts of expressions of unsurity, then confidence then bemusement that this was really happning! RAGGY????$%拢!!!~***()@{}
He was gently lookin deeeply into each of our eyes givin us the "Yeah ,ok, hey its ok, you,re in heaven and youll.... never cry again,...there will be no more wars or death or lonliness ,..... mmm yeah babies just move, with me gently to the music.
How could we have ever av let im go??? he tried to invite us to go on to another place that stayed open til 7am. But me, bieng autistic did not understand and thought he was invitin us to meet im at the place at 7am which seemed ridiculous, at the time , so I gently waved him off to the clouds of loveliness, forever.
mmmmm such is life.
Kara ad er dog an bone knicked, it was probably the young twerp, bouncing around and riffling through our handbags,sayin " i,m jus puttin ur andbags where they,ll be nice and safe"
How I managed to get ome in those shoes I,ll never know It was epic, Gara slowwed to naoght point one mile an hour till she needed to scamper off an call the phone company from the call box.
As I sat on a bench at 4.30 in the morning the sound of the birds stirring was rudely interupted by two blokes tryin to pick me up. Well it was in the area where me workin girl sisters hold host so ooo can blame em.
Today I av called Kara, double, trebble checkin that the blokes werent takin the piss out off me as if I was at a freak show.
You know, lets all dance with trhe freak.
But she reasures me otherwise. Whereas the mirrormocks me.
Rather like Russells alter ego, he speaks of on the DVD reminding him of his darker self reflectory moments!
Well, my buddies. Time to go. We,ve bin in ere since 4 an itss 9 now.
get tiddler ome to bed.
mmmm I feel reborn!
The show? Very gud. as always. The thing that rymed with prism about a blokes stiffy was your weay of sayin
"Thats what YUO get radio twooey , eat yer eart out eurovision.
We watched anchor man
what a scream.
Only about five weeks till your back Russ, then it will be back to business as usual!
So enjoy this beautiful interlude. As soon as you get back , you,ll be runnin round like a blue arsed fly. Tourin and so on.
This is a time to recharge.
If I was you , I, d av ad to knock over a few sets.
IT WOULD BE RUDE NOT TO!
Av fun bun. With yer litlte granite heart.
We love you.
A tout a laer, mon cheries.