Of Mice and Men
Testing... Testing... One, two.... Testing....
I'm just checking in to see if everything is still functioning at Radio 2 after everyone's temperatures were raised just a touch during the last show! For those of you who didn't tune in live (I'll order a single portion of shame for you...) or for those who haven't as yet downloaded the podcast (....make that a double!), you did indeed miss our evening's proceedings take an unusual turn.
This was "unwittingly" brought about by the entrance of two rather exotically attired young females who were sporting nothing more than: some well-placed lettuces, a special award, and a beautiful pair of smiles!
They were in fact two official representatives of P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and had generously swung by to present Russell with an award for winning "The World's Sexiest Vegetarian". After quite literally bringing the man to his knees, they then placed a tiny little lettuce crown on his bonce and told "Mr Sexy-Veggie" to arise.
And "arise" he did..... as did we all(!) So much so in fact, that the three of us became instantly transformed into a confused mass of stumbling testosterone, all hoping to catch a loose leaf of iceberg! It was a pitiful sight to behold; three grown men, the supposed moral vanguards of the new revolution, suddenly reduced into three blind mice all competing for a small piece of soya cheese! (Bartender... a make that a triple-shot of shame for me and the boys!).
However, I...(cough)... tried to keep my usual calm demeanour and ...(ahem)... maintain a genuine level of civil decorum and professionalism around the company of these ladies (who do, after all, represent a very worthy cause). But by the quick darting looks that were present within both Matt and Russell's ever-expanding pupils, I could see that we all invariably shared the same inescapable mathematical realisation: "OK... there's two of them and three of us... someone's going out like a gooseberry... and it AIN'T gonna be me!!!"
Next week, Russell and Matt will be broadcasting from L.A. as they attempt to pitch their scripts in Hollywood. Meanwhile, I'll be all alone at home in London, baking a Gooseberry pie!
The Disclaimer
It's kinda necessary for the young to rebel against the old,
Being the first step of a searching process, that is to question what you're told,
In an attempt to break the mold,
Or an attempt to fix a poll,
Revolution always involves a re-appraisal of your "Ba-pinions" and your role,
Lettuce bikinis take their toll as a new king has been crowned,
I'm talking about Matt: the best darn "Button Box" man that's in town,
Damn, it's kinda difficult to do this show with so much naked flesh around,
It really tests a man's principles, like placing a fox amongst the hounds!
I admit we've been tongue-tied as our lungs have expired,
While Paul in Glastonbury stuck crotch-high.... in mud,
We'll supervise as we're chilling high and dry,
But for any lapses in concentration, we sincerely apologise!
My, it's so wonderful to know that you have compassion for the animals being routinely and systematically mutilated, beaten to death, starved, and so on in modern animal factories. Kudos for your well-deserved award!
So who DID go home alone that night eh?
and where are the pictures ? please, please let there be pictures !
Saturday's show was one of the funniest. Mayhem caused by some lettuce leaves. Brilliant. Hannah is right though: WHERE ARE THE PHOTOS?
Oooh Matt Morgan - a scriptwriter I can just see it now. It would be wonderful if Matt were to leapfrog Russell in Hollywood and become a bigshot scriptwriter. HAHA Russ would be livid. His ego would be shattered
How to start the Revolution/world domination?
Well, we managed to help you win the sexiest veggie crown, which subsequently indulged your pervy side with the lettuce-clad laydeeeez so the next stage (obvious - derr!) is to make "When I'm 64" available as a download so that your loyal army of Brandettes (!!!??) can download the toon and get you to number 1 in the charts. You can then play the V-Festival in August and I can collect my long-awaited cuddle!
Oh so easy - nearer draws the day that The Brand will rool the werld!
Love, peace, cuddles and hugs
CtD x x x x
Hi Mr Gee. I tried being veggie for a while but found it made me more emotionally vulnerable, I lost weight, my skin turned to paper and I lost my shagging power. It鈥檚 a noble thing to do but I don鈥檛 reckon it suits everyone.
Take care, Ione x
ione
the loss of shagging power has obviously not affected La Boy Brand!
Have him sent to my room - NOW!
CtD x x
Can anyone tell me how can I watch the online cam during the show?
I'm a listener from abroad and read somewhere that you can watch the radio show online. Any help?
Marta
On the Russell Brand Show homepage at the top right hand corner of the page (during the broadcast). There should be 2 'buttons' - one for listen now and the other for studio webcam.
It's not a live broadcast per se, but stills which update every few minutes.
I've only ever 'played' with other R2 webcams during broadcast as I have to dowload the podcast of our fella Rusty due to the fact that hubby isn't overly keen on the Long Haired One (green eyed ..... ???)
Happy viewing.
CtD x x x
PS: Russell - do you EVER read the comments on this blog - go on, talk about us on air!!
Helo, my little Husstellers!
Cor, now the revolution is birthing, women ar throwing themselves at you from all angles. The choice is overwhelming. When I was walkin thru the shops the other day,I cought sight of Russell on the front cover of a local events magazine. Hailing the arrival of the forthcoming tour. At the end of the road, in the local cafe theres a flyer in the window, of the tour.
So Russells visit is ever imminent. I would like to get tickedy boos but cant seem to work up the courage. It will be the day after littlun returns from his adventure holiday. The first time he has been away from home. Babysitters! You know. So am I to assume if I go to the venue with my income support book I,ll be issued with consessionary prices?
Oh I dunno!
Today its taken me 30 mins to get to this page. Library computer playin up. Got headphones on, listening as I type. The words are not even clear theyr,e all fragmented and wierd, but I,ll soldier on.
On Sat night I was so excited about the show. We were invited to a party and I was torn. It said starting at 5 so I thought I cud go at 8. When the time crept nearer and nearer, I was shifting around uneasily. At this point I realised I was in the throws of a Russell addiction. The pqarty would have been just the thing any other day. Therte were nice drinks of long island iced tea, food and the potential of a good ol knees up. The distraction overwhelmed me. So I tried to leave. My hostess asked me why and I told her I had a bit of a thing about Russell, and desparately wanted to listen to the show. It felt like the world would come to an end if I had missed it. Relieved that that was the only reason I wanted to go,she said I could watch it and listen on her TV upstairs. She kindly wrote the numbers down to press, on the remote,. 101 for the tv, 0102 or something for the radio.
I was klicking merrilly betweenthe two. Later on a little toddler was with me, and I was messing about with him, having a laugh and stupidly I held out the remotes. The inevitable happened,he turned it all off.
I scrambled downstairs with the remotes in hand beggin the kind ladie host to come and sort it out for me.
When she flicked around a bit it turned out it was broken. So after clocking the dissapointment or desparation in me eyes she said I cud listen to the radio in the kitchen. I cud get the screening of the live 8 but had to run from room to room to listen to the show. and watch the kids who had come upstairs out of the cold. They were only 2 and 3, and we were avin a luvly time with them doin roly polies off the arm of the sofa.
I was goin crazy cos I ner got to actually SEE Russell. I heard im go on the stage, but that was it. Oh what a catastrophy. MMMMMM maybe it was divine providence, I would,nd av wanted to pass out, feinting like at the live 8. The stretcher wouldav bin shamefull, I,m sure it wouldv torn. Then theyd av ad to ev given me smelling salts. Is it gettin like crazy feverish appearances, where the fans are crying and pulling their hair out, like boy bands and the Beetles, Russellmania.
I gotta go now this bloody fings run auta time.
Ah well.
Thanks for being a great distraction for life.
Big slobbery kiss to you.
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All the tickets are gawn fer the standup show. Lovely little clippedyboos on the site. GGRReat to see Russ behind the scenes at Wembelly. Wow those dark locks are soooh long now, rather like a mane. GGGO tiger.
As I sit here, there are magazines right by my side, with Russ,s face on the front cover.
Those pics that were taken about a year ago are sooo gorgeous. Russ looks so young and shy and angelic in them. Those deep brown eyes looking piercingly through the camera at you. They are so sweet and enquiring.
I was listening to snippets of a radio 2 show this morgen. It was about the Tory idea of how to make Britain a better place by tough love, to single parents and 20 quid extra for those dear souls who will do the courtesy of staying married. What a hullabaloo it caused. As I turned it on I heard someone nearly screaming, with all her heart, she was so cross. Can't say I,v heard such emotion bieng displayed on radio 2.
The presenter was slightly embarrased as he stood in for Jeremy Vine.
Last night I caught site of the Tory leader, the right honerable gentleman Ian Duncan Smith, proposing the changes, on the telly.
He was in Glasgow in a dreadful, run down council estate, shouting comments to the unfortunate few living there.
It all seemed so funny.
Dignitaries visiting, cushioned by there pilows of parliament and all the trappings.
I think it would have been equally as funny if he,d have shouted,"Let them eat cake!"
Not because he wanted to insult them with his lack of understanding, but due to actually thinking his proposals were sensible and reasonable.
Mr. Smith visited the local school my son was attending about 4 years ago.
It was so funny.
All the pomp and ceremony.
I immediately felt slightly resentful when I saw his incredibly flashy car.
I dunno why that touched a cord with me. It was like a visit from the queen and everyone was bowing down and expecting everyone else to do likewise. Ooh, offer your pinch of salt to Ian Duncan Smith.
When I come to a close call like that I realise how I feel a degree of contempt for people of the MP ilk. Rarely will you find one unaffected by their position blinding them from the reason they embraced such a career.
The MPs have really lost sight of what it means to be a person living in the society. Through no fault of their own.
I,m going to say something rude now, so forgive me. When you see the kind of people who become part of political groups locally, they are generally sad and lacking in personality. Or running away fron a slightly odd lifestyle in a gun ho fashion. Immersing themselves in the hope that they will reach a point of status through rather irratating, invasive and elitist dogmatism. Feel bad saying that,but its an opinion I,v held for some time. A petty snipe and we can all make them about anything.
I remember Billy Conolly remarking that they were all "CHANCERS", in his opinion, it was on Parky or something like that.
Another observation I have made and find quite sad about, is the rivalry between the political parties. The contempt each has for the other.
When Tone Blaire was complimented and sent off with love, he afforded himself the luxery of holding his distain close to his heart, cradling it with love as if it was the most admirable thing, to show loyalty for ones own party at the absolute expence and lack of acceptance of the other, This cultural feeling is obviously nursed with pride in Westminster.
Its not cute or funny.
Its serious devisive darkness, drawing a sword of non communication among the parties who collect together ,in the places elected for them by the communities for whome they are supposed the represent.
The business that is taking place in the commons,reaches a far cry from running the country.
Its not about opposing one another because of the party, its supposed to be finding a consensus to deal with the countries problems.
How can they take the moral high ground when its all so toungue in cheek. The suggestions coming out of that building are so completely lacking in understanding. To just get in sub comitees and reaserchers to leave time for guffawing and parading around like a loada pompous gits, pretending to know what they are talking about, is, frankly, a complete waste of public money.
MPs need to get out of their comfort zones and humble themselves. The empathy they show is silch.
A year or two ago I was shocked to see that expressions coming out of that most hallowed place of authority were in the genre of, "SEXED UP".
It reveals that there is a degree of mockery and scullduggery of the system to which they themselves subscribe. Maybe they are pirates. Involved in a secret society. Who will recieve the black mark next? All the traits off an old fashioned school gone wrong. Where is Flashman?
I was outraged at the lack of respect shown.
Its all very well being in cahoots with the media, but at the end of the day its not a game and should not be treated as such.
To patronise the general public, living in what the MPs are intrinsicly there to mete out as a democrasy, is fundamentaly wrong.
So beware, the revolution is coming!
How long will we sit by and just subsadise a loada bafoons.
Change is needed.
Real attention should be given to the victims of discrimination.
Single parents are the lowest of the low in society, yet they remain a legitimate target in the eyes of the lucky, whole grain families. We salute you, keeping us from the workhouse, or asylum.
We thankyou for allowing our children to have a parent to come home to at the end of the day.
We,ll enjoy the luxery but not for too long. With the welfare reform, Mr Hatton proposed that we be forced to work when kids are 12. Now the inovative tough love policy from D,Smith would have us go to work when our kids are 5.
Society has a problem of kids on the streets. Another discriminated against part of our society. Those disgraced Hoodies.
It must feel great to slam them. Causing the country untold money in their disruptive behaviour. Under those hoods are the faces of this country. The product of all the countries prior social reforms. Well done Britain.
Go away think again. Dont take away the few parents that would like to stay and cook a meal at home for their childeren and make them feel like the most important person in the world. We cant afford a part of our society to give their family a welcoming ,safe relaxed home.
It costs so much for childcare. But how will the next generation look, having never been nurtured by someone who loves them? Given money to pay for their absence. Money to buy games, trainers and things to exhibit status. They will end up disconnected, hiding behind the silly thigs that make them feel real. Living a lie. Spending more money to feed the only experience they are farmiliar with the parents substituted by materialism. Yeah good for the economy! Bad for moral. Do we want to become empty shells? What this country needs is love and time and a great deal of care. It is unwell, and needs time to heal. Wont anyone commit themselves to that impossible dream.
Why is this country willing to sell itself for a souless lifestyle. Where are the scruples. Are MPs so shallow.
To be honest they make themselves look like cowboys. Come on guys, we,re worth better than this.
I can only suggest that while we support the troops in Iraq tohe cost can be stealthily hidden by taking it from the welfare system.
I want to apologise. The above blog was done in haste. It contains bloggabuse! The object of that abuse just happened to be parliament. I needed to vent some anxiety and wrath. Poor MPs got it in the neck. I dont generally advocate taking out anger on others. I am ashamed. Its been playing on my mind. So I come,cap in hand to say I was very spitefull to name call and throw out insults around. Nobody should really act like that.
I is proud of em really. I like the way Gordy has bin a touch firm, about the super casinos. But did laugh, when the Mail paper, declared " A moral victory". As if it had been campaighning , in a single minded way, to take a stand on the issiu. I do admire their shpunk though.
Sorry guys. Youre all great.
This is great. I,ve got the live 8 show on and watched the u tube videos. They overlapped in a delicious way. The music from the concert mixing in with the videos, simultaniously.