A Spoon and an Egg
After spending a week in the City of Angels and assuming the necessary positions on Hollywood's revered casting couches, the dynamic duo made it back to England just in time to do Saturday's show live and direct. Still quite jet-lagged and still exhibiting all the usual signs of "air cabin-fever" (y'know, excitingly enthusing over the little free travel-packs that you get with the fancy blindfold, the tiny toothpaste and the brightly coloured socks!), Russell and Matt were there to greet me at the R2 studios.
"Hey Gee!! What's been happening... anything exciting?"
What could I say? "It's been raining, it's been raining, it's been raining, it's been raining.......oh, and central London is awash with armed police on a raised terror alert...nah, nothin' really!". It's been a strange week of change hasn't it? The U.K. went smoke-free, Mr Brown finally hit the number 1 spot (by moving into number 10) and Tim Henman suprisingly got knocked out of Wimbledon (ok, maybe not everything has changed!).
With so much heavy drama occurring all around us, it was actually quite refreshing to hear the voice of 10 year old Sarah call into the show. She brought a little bit of innocence back as she asked Russell about how he does his hair and talked about her school sports day. Ahhh..... sports day, that brings back memories! My school used to hold these weird events for us to compete in, which had NO relevence whatsoever in the real world of sport. The egg-and-spoon race, the sack-race, the three-legged race... c'mon! what were they all about?
Realistically, what can you honestly tell a wide-eyed 9 year old who's full of hope for the future and has just won the egg-and-spoon race final for the third year running? "Well done son, nice work! If you keep practicing every day, you might make the Olympic team!". Such events should be banned, as they build up children's hopes too high and don't properly prepare them for the big bad world that lays ahead. Anyway I'm not bitter, I still have the trophies and I had the school record.... and no rain, sleet, hail or snow can take that from me!
stay safe people.
Sunshine
Much like a trial or test that's finally complete,
Hopes for a future success can bypass past defeats,
Even though the strawberries are sweet, let us add a little cream,
Placed in a first-class sickbag with a note and a scheme,
(As the rain cries, I pray for the sunshine)
As they get-back all jet-lagged, Matt's nabbed for tea-bags,
A video star in glad-rags, hittin' moguls with more blag,
Flying the flag, making air hostesses glad,
But why bother with them when there's flamingoes to be had?
(and as their eyes cry, I'll pray for the sunshine)
The last night, the last trip,
The last cigarette is lit,
Sarah won all her events, then tried to make her hair big,
I hope that next week she wins her game dressed in her little sports kit,
So when the rain dies, she'll smile at the sunshine!
Did I just blink or was there a video from old russ up here a minute ago? Loved the show guys, Gee i bet you wish that you'd joined Matt & Russ in LA & escaped the rain!
currently i'm living in the pod cast age of march, the end off, good old russ still wants tibet to be free and ge's about to aquire a ickle wickle gold fish. i just joined the get russ his ice cream van on facebook and wondered if it had appened yet? much like spoiling the ending to a lovely film but lovin it all the more while you do. please dont let me be all sad 'n that. being in meedja is bad enough, let me join your army general brand!
when i catch up with all the poscasts i will read this blog, but until then i must cast my eyes upon my keyboard never to look at the pretty colours til then, all the best you chaps and your ways
Miss M
Russell your friends distract you from the qualities of yer fans with comments like Granny fans. Like,the Americans tried to put down the Europeans when they didnt fall into line by calling them old Europe. I fink theyr aloada drunks anyway!
Youre gunna be great at Wembly.
Whata scoop. WHOO WOO Wembly 70000 people.
Live world. Will everyone mobilise towards planting,irragating, diggin wells and buildin clean water works throughout the world. All houses will be self sustained by windmills and solar power. The futures bright, were all goin to take up renewable eneryy on our planet., Rickshaws. Well all grow ourown fruit an veg cant wait.
Love you loads. Sexy man.
Goodnight my darling,
my mind will be with you.
I cant see you or know for sure,
you,re getting through.
I,ll lean this night on faith and hope and love.
It wont be long before ,
we can be together,
all this time contact must sever.
I,ll keep my contact with you joined from above.
I,ll look at the sky for word of you.
Breathing in the wind to sense your feeling.
Resting on our bond, grasping, stealing.
Be safe my darling, assured that you are so loved.
Through this separation we will find the meaning.
Dont miss me.
Dont think I miss you.
Dont pine ,
I am yours and you ar mine.
Keep the faith
it will all be fine.
I,m sorry that I,ve leaned on you.
You need to find your feet.
You have rights too.
I,m sorry we fell into a rut,
We 'll try to keep that door,
firmly shut.
I worry, desparately, but as humans we must cut the cord,
We must learn to fly rest assured.
We have the whole world set before us,
Do you think we,ll take the plunge,
reach for speed and set the glorious.
Do you think we,ll ride on dreams,
reach the goal and feel victorious.
But for now be at peace my sweet.
Tommorrow will bring another treat.
Your smile and laughter will light up the day.
Your personality will win the way.
Rest now. Your heart is in my hands,
a cushion of love is where my heart lands.
So we will not fear, we,re in this together.
Our love to part will happen never.
In moments of dark doubt,
"Be gone," youll hear me shout.
Nothing will stop our destiny unfolding,
but to our love we,ll keep on holding.
We have a secret no one can unlock.
A love so sweet no deadly enemy can mock.
I blow a long loving kiss to you.
Embrace you with my self
your fears are few.
My thoughts of you will be many, but I,ll let you go, may the laughs and fun be a pound a penny.
What more can I say, I,ll close the door to, as if you were home with me.
then wait a while and you in your bed I,ll see.
I love you
do you love me.
Last night was an epic and exciting journey, that I,m still reeling from.
I thought I would go to Bournemouth. Russell was gigging there.
Didnt have tickets as no babysitter, or funds.
Plus I thought it seemed foolhardy, of me to try to actualize my dream.
After months of using Russell as a placebo, to distract myself from lifes pain.
The idea of dragging littlun, to the venue in the middle of the night, in the attempt of catching a glimpse of Russ at the stage door, was one that I struggled with.
But found myself tempted with, for weeks.
It was so wrong in so many ways.
The great dissapointment of maybe not seeing him and feeling crushed by the fantasy not living up to expectation.
Well blow it!
Last night it was just too good to miss.
I,ve invested months blogging my inner thoughts, long shpiels about the Iraq war.Class probs, welfare, jokey wind ups to Mata an Russ. Words of comfort to a marooned Hawiann Russ. Pouring myself out from the depths of my heart,releasing anxiety, satisfying the need to make contact and leave my mark.Gettin a bit political and such. I think I had elevated my status in my head. As only my freind was appraising them and encouraging me.
I decided to take the bull by the horns.
Littlun is fairly sympathetic to my plight of bieng infactuated by Russell, if not minorly irratated.
On my B'day he compiled a card, with pics of Russ, he,d taken from my space. Also featuring on the front was, Pirates of the Carabbean, at the time it was a bit of a hint for him to go.
I was surprised,
I thought I,d kept my Russell addiction stealthily under wrapps. I,d obviously been caught secretly examining all the Russell pictures.
A secret pleasure about which I had tried to be coy. Like having a private stash of chockies.
Interest in Russell had slowly grown to a pleasurable pastime, hearing the disgracefully rewarding and naughtily delightful show, then bloggin. It felt a bit interactive.
Cheering Kara, my mate up too. Her work is so hard. In the community working with mental health. My blogs gave her a bit of a lift.
Anyway, back to last night.
I took special care with me make up, put on a winning top. The one that had done the job when Kara and I had our epic night out, clubbin. The only night out I,d had in years clubbing.
I teased me barnet up like Lilly Savage.
An off we went.
The artiste' was due to kick off at 7.30, so I guessed 9.30 would be a good time to present myself at the stage door, armed with poster and magazine for him, to sight.
I imagined how it would be. Not knowing if I would see him. But if I did. Somehow imagining that he would have prior knowledge of me, from bloggin. As if I had built a relationship over the months and all I would need to say was "Im your bloggon lover!" or something. My other ploy was to ask him to write,"Marry me" and "I love You" and he would turn to me and think, "Wow, I do love you, come with me , in my boat into the sunset!" Or at least, "Mmmm, thanks to your provocative thoughts, I feel a real osmosis is happening with my fans and public."
I went to the internet bar and fussed about. Umming and Arring about whether to do it or not. Cold feet eminating from feeling like a prize plonker.
My tummy was letting me down, making me look ridiculous. When I didnt stand up straight, with shoulders back it was michelin madam.
I felt me shoes looked stupid, as they didnt really go. My brown ones would have looked perfect, but I just cant walk in them very far. So I opted for red platformy types, that you have to be careful of, as it doesnt take much to turn your heel in them,spraining the ankle.
I had to keep telling myself that it wasnt about me.
It was about grabbing the opportunity. But I kept catching site of meself in the mirror, saying,"Who are yo trying to kid?" "Past it and fat!"
The time came to venture to B"mouth. We arrived at 9.30 and apparently Mr. G had just come off and The Meistro, had only just gone on.
The staff were helpful in a distainjful way.They said that Russell had not confirmed yet as to wether or nor he would be stopping to do some sighning. I said I was his number 1 fan and blogged his website nearly every day. This information was recieved with expressions of exhasperated blankness.
Retrospectively I remarked too my son that they must,ve thought ,if I said I was his top fan, how come I hadnt brought tickets, and was resorting to loitering around outside the building.
I asked for the position of the stage door of the building and was directed round the out side.
We sat on the steps and found we could hear parts of the show. As when Russ spoke with a raised voice into the mike, it would wander out of the open sky windows. Like the Bisto adverts.
The evening was warm and pleasant. It was quiet round the side there..
But ther was over an hour to wait. We decided to wait in the late opening book store.
Wandering through town was a bit hairy. Crowds of lads on their night out, were shouting their Alpha male call.
We weaved,heads down to the book shop, to find it shut. So we wandered through B'mouth gardens.
I got littlun a big bag of popcorn and we killed a bit of time. As we walked back to the Pavilion, Kara and I were on the blower, sharing the experience of this delicious possibility of seeing Russ. She picked up on how excited I was.
Whenback up the top of the steps,sitting listening, I held the phone up, so she could hear. Where we were sitting was like a vortex that echoed. I was so tempted to shout out and disrupt the whole show.
Instead my voice carried as I laughed and shrieked loudly now and then. Almost like an echo Russ would laugh and shriek and Kara could hear, to her disbelief. It wasa surreal. I didnt want to get turfed out but wanted to play a bit. I felt like we were calling out in the wild to each other.
Poppy was getting restless by this time. He started running about. Down the other side of the stairs, near the stage door which was opened, people were having a fag.
They asked if they could help him. Then a guy lokking a bit official came up too where we were and asked what we wanted.
I explained I was waiting at the stage door for the show to end, to try and see Rusty and get his autograph.
He told us that if he was going to sign, it would be in the bar in the theatre. I was in a quandry as what to do . I didnt want to miss him escaping through the stage door. It was getting a bit nippy by this point. So we went back to the foyer loking sheepish, like unwanted rose salesmen.
The kind man selling all the merchandise, took pity on us and gave us an R.B. brochure from the show and a poster.
Littlun had just been to the theatre door and told me to take a look. Russell was on the stage.
I announced that I dont do oanything dishonest and stole across the door to take a peek, There he was, gadding about like a well groomed gazelle.
It was a marvel. It was so exciting!
People were buzzing about in the foyer, asking what time the show was due to finish, so they could pick up people an it was going to be 5 minutes.
There was no one around for a minute so I pulled the door open again, a few centimetres to see him say, "I,m off now. I,m going to the bar over there, to do some sighnings, a bit of flirting, and anything could happen after that."
The audience started cascading in torrents through the doors. Within seconds it was madness and I had list littlun. I took a course of the vague direction I thought he,d gone in .
The usher waved me in the opposite direction and I bumped into littlun. In all the crazy hype we had built ourselves up,we fell over each other. I tripped and went over on my shoe, grabbing his arm in agony as pain seared through me ankle. In the frenzy of it I had managed to step on his foot. I was howling in pain and he was crying , hopping about holding his foot.
We found a corner, in all the madness to hug and make up. It was like piccadily circus at rush hour. Within seconds we rejouned the stampede add were legging it to where the bar was.
People were neatly forming a ue. So we just marched nonchelantly past them all and up to the front.
It was too good to miss and we,d done our time,out in the cold.
We sat in prime position, awaiting the arrival of the main man ,in disbelief.
Like a visio n he appeared. Arrodite and exuding charisma, larger than life.
I went weak at the site of him but tried to focus and remember every detail. Comparing him to my mental images and stored photos and videos in my mind.
He did not fall short. I know in the bible it says you must not have any idols before God. But at this moment I was just in awe, transfixed staring at every detail of his visage. I was a true sycofant.
It was like meeting the queen, not that I,ve ever met her, but how I would imagine it to be.
Russell was all towering and wearing his black signature. I wondered if I would be dissapointed by his demeanor. But was so impressed. Slowly he greeted each and every fan. Kissing some, gracefully craning his neck and moving in slow motion as people replaced each other in his presence to be photographed with him.
It was time for action so littley went round the back of him and I started moving in. Playing in my head was the song, EYE TO EYE CONTACT. Russ was gliding around etherially. It was all slow motion.
We had him surrounded. I was trying to vibe him out,mentally, magnatising him,until I caught his eye. When I did it was like fire works in my head. Having lost all my inhibitions I started to jump up and down. That made him dart his eyes straight over. I,m not sure if it was a look of dissaproval or bemusement, horrifying himself with a full bloodied well endowed female, moving too rapidly.
The next thing,litlun had got his attention, thinking he was a girl, Russell covered his face with kisses,and littlun came up for air with a white face of shock.
He reeled round, it was my turn. Once we were in each others proximity, with no one in the way, he said something like, "Youre a whole lotta woman!"
I think he meant it well. Then I blew it by trying the old,"I,m your bloggin lover"
He looked at me and said ,"what?' I repeated myself.
Without changing his facial expressions much, he stated that a lot of people blogged him.
MMM crestfallen. But never mind, I thrust the magazines under his nose.
Then started barking, "write, I LOVE YOU."
"Write MARRY ME"
"NOW ONE TO KARA, LOVE YOU, NO YOU DONT SPELL KARE LIKE THAT, ITS WITH A K."
People had started tittering and laughing at my direct aproach. I had turned my only chance to be whiskid away, or at least have an intimate moment, into a little stand up. I felt awkward but was standing there with my ark around his waist as if we were a bonefide couple by now.
The it became awkward and embarrasing and he started to wander off. I did a last ditch attempt and asked for a hug. I was a glorious hug and I wanted it to last forever, but it didnt.
What a gent though. He asked about littley and made another fuss of him when I told him he was a boy.
I got Kara to call me and thrust thephone in Russes hands and said, "say hello to Kara!"
said in a silly voice, "Its me Russell, Kara, what you doin."
She said she had tears in her eyes and was dying to tell her mum. She also said its made her year.
The anti climax of Russ moving away to greet his adoring audience, was acute. I didnt know what to do , so I turned into a voyeur, Ruby Wax type and objectified Russell and the whole experience. A bit demeaning, turning him into a circus act. I was saying in a loud voice" Yea Kara, he,s beautiful, and less than two metres from me" I,m sure he could hear. It made the whole thing a bit of a spectacle. So sorry Russell.
I dont believe you read these anyway. Thinking every one is pulling together. Instead of one sad git, giving the sad story of her life.
Today it was back to normal life, with a bang. Shelly the local working girl called round for some cerial.
I was pleased to see that her impetigo has gone down on her face, even if she looked dramatically thiner. She wes well pleased, with a little spring in her step and secret smile when she left witha glass of milk, pack of rice crispies, jam sandwich and peck on the cheek.
Coming home from dropping littly off at guitar club , I walked down my road, which is the red light zone of the area. A car slowwed and beeped, I crossed over and the black guy inside shouted, "HELLO
Reading the brochure, I felt duped, like I did when I read women who love too much. To be pigoen holed as needing something from Russ just the same as all the other hoards.
I, d like to spend a few hours, on me own with Beelzibub himself, talking bonding, no one else around, and say he,s me freind forever. Threres something that feels like home about him. Forbidden fruit.
I should,v worn blood red nail varnish, instead of foolish ridiculous fushia. To show I was taking it all seriously , as if I meant business.
Hi to the lovely girl who sent the panyettas to hawaii. We were like two treccies at a covention, swapping our knowledge of when we first started our Russell juorney.
Its a wretched existence, this unrequited love.
I have heard that the swine,referenced in last weeks show, is really looking forward to its new home in Hampstead. Octo pig was delighted when he heard news of his impending adoption.
The many faceted pig, who likes to be known as Dr Octaveus, commented, that the climate in Great Britain was more likely to suit him.
He has spent the last week packing his litttle pig bag, ready for the transfer.
Having watched the F word on TV he is considering it divine providence that he did not fall into the hands of the Ramsey Chef.
"These extra appendages have saved my bacon, and I,m sure I will get used to all the scraps Mat and Russell give me."
Used to wearing tweeds, the pig was hoping to bedecked in fur coats and jewels. He was aware of his adoptive fathers ponchent for bejewelled animality sculls. As this pig would be saved it expected to be in line for the privilages a live animal would enjoy in the care of Russell.
Dr Octavius is hoping to try his hand on Animals Have Got Talent. As he considers his singing voice of superior oink.
Obviously the juggling comes naturally but Doc Oc felt it would be a bit PASSE'
" So many contestants opt for juggling, to my mind it lacks imagination."
Russell has booked him in with his own voice coach and hopes they will do a duet of, "When I,m 64"
To commemorate the beetles and debut himself on the music scene.
He is really loking forward to becoming a pig part of the team at Radio Two.
Co hosting shows such as Elaine Page's Musicalidy.
Offering advice on the Jeremy Vine show, will be of particular interest, a chance to put the years of psycological studies into good use.
" The height of my work at Radio Two will be when I get behind the news desk." quoted the Doc in the interview," I will make every attempt not to fall into the gaggery associated with Sally Traffic, and will play the games while the 成人论坛 sort out heir public gaming problems."
Eventually Dr Octavius hopes to stand as a viable candidate for Lord Mayor of London.
I,ve been trying to get Russell out of my mind and lose this terrible overwhelming addiction to him. Last night, I said to myself, Right I will wake up tommorrow and think of him no more.
I tried to sleep and me neighbours upstairs were clogging around like a heard of restless horses. I tried to ignore it. Telling meself I lived under a hairdressers or something, so the sound was normal.
As I drifted in and out of sleep, I was dreaming about Russell. He has really got in my subconcious now.
At 2.30 I marched upstairs and bellowed,"CAN YOU SHUT UP, YOU ARE DOING MY HEAD IN,BANG BANG BANG!"
I marched back down and they were quiet, so I got some sleep.
This morning I got up, repeating the mantra. "I will not think about, or allow Russell to permiate all of my thaughts.
Jeremy Vine came on the radio. I was so proud of him! He was doing a delightful piece about the needs of young people. How they are a product of a neglectful upbringing and we must see beyond their behaviour giving them compassion.
Jeremy, all I can say is Youre going to start your own revolution at this rate. Well done. Then for the first time in my recollection, he played Russels trailor for the Brandelisious show. What a shock!
Then he spoke to the trailer and said, "Thankyou Russell."
My head were spinning. To be aired on Jerrs show is creadance indeed. A mainstream Russell is emerging!
Now that just set my head off completely.
To distract myself I went downstairs to watch Lord of the Rings. I was tearful at the wisdom of Gandalfs words, they seemed to have such poigniant power over my predicament. He knew himself well enough not to take the ring from Frodo, the power it had to turn him to the darkness.
I picked up aload of videos yesterday when goin to pick littly up from guitar.
There was a table outside someones house full of videos. With a note saying FREE. The lady said she was clearing out coz they all took up so much room.She said someone had just come along and cleared a table. So I took an armful of films I thought boyo would like.
A little further down the road, was a couple sitting on the wall drinking cans of tennents. They had a large black bin liner. They laughed when they saw me and asked if I had got the videos from the house. They said they had just filled their bag and were on their way to Cash Converters with them.
They asked if that was where I was going with mine. I told them I was going to pick up my son,feeling a bit patronizingly sanctimonious.
With them, was a working girl, just not getting any reaction to her posturing in the middle of the road. She was a bag of bones and was strutting, doing her best to look suggestive, her tiny frame fading away. It was heroin chic gone very wrong. She called across, saying if she had a big pair of T*TS like mine she,d probably get a job. In an equally sanctimoneus way I sheepishly called that she could put some balloons under her top.
An irreverent reaction to a poetic tradgedy, being artisticly painted, in front of me.
On the way back, we passed the house were the videos were, a couple of people were milling, bags loaded with vids. They took all the horror and scary ones that I wouldnt touch.
An American guy was commenting on how pleased he was to have found in the pile, a rare Stephen King movie,The crow. I was pleased for him and thought he had a very sexy voice.
So today we were watching the Lord of the Rings as a reward for doing what Mum asked.
So strange to see it after a few years.
Watchin Christopher Lee throw Gandalf around.
A formiddable oponent.
It was dejavous and so similar to the almost identicle scene of him throwing Yoda around.
I could play the two scenes in my mind in sync.
Then the Elf Dad of the daughter of Aerosmith, Hugo Weaving, greeted Frodo.
My son and I immediately said, " MR FRODO, WE MISSED YOU!"
It was meant to be Mr Anderson we missed you. I love it when all the charecters cross over in films, fragments of the same actor present in all.
Ald Chris Lee plays a hellava menacing, venerated good guy, gone bad. First Jedi then to Mordor.
Ay the mind boggles.
Just a few doors from this Internet bar theres a construction site. The ground was levelled, what seemed like yesterday. Today I was amazed to see that, a large outline of a huge building had appeared there. It was the frame. The girders in place. It seemed profound that this was the first stage of something concrete and durable. Completely in tact showing the shape of things to come. Yet, like a sculpture, to look beyond, as no real substance had been put on it yet.
That is how I believe this revolution will come about. First we need the metal outline of what is going to be built. It does, obviously start with us.
My love to you, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Ever faithful in the purposes, higher than all we can see.
Hope the show goes well tonight.
Looking forward to it.
I love the sureal feel.
I like youre energy.
I like the way you are totally real and frank about who you are and how you view life.
Thousands of people have connected to you guys.
You have had an almost underground effect like Waynes World.
Ordinary boys avin a laugh.
Cant get enuff of it.
Glad Mat keeps his feet on the ground, someone has to.
Love you guys!
Hey DERE!
This morning I came to a realization, thanks to a little helpful literature.
It did remind me of my favourite vintage boo, hot in france,as the author is a froggletti.Yves Saint Exuberier. Le petite ponce, or in Englaisey, The Little Prince.
The little piece I read today, compared a boy building sandcastles with his bucket and spade,to a man, building his business, with paper, wages and revenue.
The difference between the two was, that, the boy would expect the sea to come and everwhelme the castle he had built. Clapping his hands, realizing it is a natural part of the process. The man, was grieved when things didnt go as he expected, as what he had built ,he had owned in his mind.
The boy was able to let go.Then walk home holding his fathers hand.
The man,wasnot able to build and allow it to be destroyed.
The moral was, that we must build, allow it to be destroyed, enjoy,let go. Then tommorrow build again.
I found it helpful, as I hang on to what I produce,as if it defines me.
I now realize that ,like the sand castle, I must allow it all to be reclaimed. Let go and continue.
Now Russell. Dont worry too much about your future. I think you should continue to be who you are. Enjoy what you have built while you are in this place. The summer is still here. Chill out. Its been a chaotic year for you. The radio two slot on Saturday nights offers a great deal of continuity.
By the way the show was superb on Sat night. Very funny.
Life is transient. You have a place,which belongs to you. A place you can feel safe. Where noone can make you feel uncomfortable. While you write the booky wook, you can look at how you feel about your life. It will be a time of reflection. And a time to bury some stuff, if need be.
Love to you.
Massive hug.
Bex
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