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13 November 2014

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You are in: Leicester > People > Your Stories > Friends for Life

Gloucester pensioners recording a CD

Friends for Life

How easy is it to make new friends later in life? When everyone seems to have their own busy lives, is it possible to meet new people and form good friendships? Hear from two people in Leicestershire who say it's very possible.

Jan Robotham is a committee member of Over the Hill -听 a walking group for single people aged between 40 and 65.

Through the group she has made many good friends. But she says finding friends at any time of life is not easy for some people, and some of us find it very difficult.

Listen: Making Friends

She spoke to 成人论坛 Leicester's Tony Wadsworth on his mid-morning programme. Listen to her story...

She says: "When you're single it can be even more difficult. You've got no one to help you along."

According to her some people breeze through life, extremely adept at picking up friends. For others the skill doesn't come naturally.

"A singles walking group is great," says Jan. "You really do meet friends."

Indeed, half a dozen have met partners through the group.

Ian McPherson is a听 life coach and he agrees with Jan whole heartedly:

"You have to learn the skills [of gaining friendship] and if you recognise that you don't have those skills then you have to learn them.

"When I lost my wife I had to make friends, do new things - it was scary. But because I did those things I developed my social skills which were, at the time, pretty appalling."

He joined various singles groups at the age of 42 which he says helped me to grow.

Now he runs a personal development group and meets lots of new people through that making friends with people of all ages.

l-r Doreen, Peter, Jean and Evelyn

Years or Attitude?

Ian makes the point that although age is, of course, a matter of years it is also a matter of attitude, of how you live your life.

Asked about her friendships now Jan says that she has about a dozen really good friends that she could turn to and who would be there for her.

When she was first divorced she had only one or two. "When I was married we did everything together." She had to start again.

Ian听 says: "I don't have some of the friends I had in the old days because I've moved on."

Whenever you lose a partner whether through death or break up almost inevitably there are casualties amongst your friendships - if only because people take sides.

Finding new friends can be difficult but not impossible.

And once you have made friends you must keep those friendships in good repair.

"You have to learn the skills [of gaining friendship] and if you recognise that you don't have those skills then you have to learn them."

Ian McPherson, Life Coach

Offloading Angst

Jan听 says: "You can't off-load your angst on your friends. You want positive friends whom we lift and who lift us."

Both Jan and Ian say that friendship is something you have to work at to find. It means being self-critical, self-aware and alive to the needs of others.

But the rewards are great.

Both say their partners are their real best friends!

last updated: 14/05/2009 at 11:36
created: 13/05/2009

You are in: Leicester > People > Your Stories > Friends for Life



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