成人论坛

By Freya L

Out on the high seas a crew of very fat, very unfit pirates lived on a ship that creaked under their weight. This ship was called 'The Podgy Roger' and it drifted along half submerged beneath the waves.

One day the Captain of this ship looked out from his poop deck and gawped at the pirates as they lay lazing about, huffing and puffing, their tummies bulging.

'This is no good at all!' the Captain thought to himself. 'What unfit misfits we are! No-one will ever take us seriously when we come a pillaging!' The crew had been at sea for a year now and fresh food was scarce. All they had left in their cupboards were biscuits and cake.

The famous Gold Rush had long since dried up which meant the pirates had no treasure ships to go looting. Trapped on their ship, with little to do and no room to exercise the pirates had grown fat. Whilst feasting on cake was a jolly old treat it had done little good for their waistlines.

When his faithful parrot had started squawking 'pieces of cake' instead of 'pieces of eight!' the Captain knew things had to change and fast.

'Right lads!' bellowed the Captain, 'We aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr a laughing stock with our bloated bellies and double chins! No-one will take us seriously when the Gold Rush begins!'

With that he turned on his heel and stomped below deck vowing to return with a plan that will take his crew to greatness.

After what was an eventful few hours in his cabin, the Captain emerged back on deck, decked in striped Lycra, clutching several woven mats made from the ship's rigging and his Captain's hat perched high on his head.

Surveying the scene before him the Captain roared 'Wake up ye lazy louts!' as he kicked the cabin boy snoozing at his feet. 'You are going to the gym-lad!'

'Get up you lot! Get changed and put your valuables in Davy Jones' locker - he won't mind! Meet me on the deck in five minutes sharp, we iz doin some Pilates!'

The begrudging pirates heaved themselves up and waddled slowly below deck to get changed. Soon enough, the ship was bustling with activity. Pirates in shorty shorts were sweating and stretching as they followed their Captain through his Pilates routine. From The Mermaid Side Stretch to The Crab and The Seal, the pirates were put through their paces.

'Aaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!' one of the pirates suddenly screamed. 'I've pulled a mussel!'

'Don't be so crabby!' panted the Captain. 'Just keep going!'

From that day on the Captain made his crew follow his plan and when the Gold Rush began once more, the pirates of 'The Podgy Roger' had chiselled chests and bulging muscles. Not only were they now the most feared pirates of the high seas they were most definitely the fittest! All thanks to their Captain and his Pirate Pilates - Me Hearties!