Jo
I found it online, Ben. I'm moving into this shared house with all these really cool single women and our babies. Kind of like a spa retreat commune but for mums. A mommune! And the best thing is we're going to take it in turns to babysit, so I can hit the town and party whenever I want. Like you used to鈥emember, Ben? Now it's my turn. It's like Sex and the City but instead of New York it's Salford. What? No, it's not a cult. Hello? Ben? My credits running鈥 Shi-
Helen
Jo! Hello, Amber! How are you? Hello, Amber! Who's standing next to you? It's my mummy!
Jo
Wow, Amber's going to love it here! So when are the other babysitters - I mean mums - getting back?
Helen
Other mums? It's just us, buddy. I'm Helen and this is Wendy.
Jo
Nice to meet you both. What's that smell?
Helen
Oh, Wendy was just on her way to the launderette.We are saving the planet one nappy at a time.
Wendy
How was your labour, Joanna?
Jo
Oh, it was pretty rough. I had to have an emergency c鈥
Wendy
Mine was forty-four hours. I pushed for nearly an hour but my cervix was in the way so they had to pull him out using forceps. That's why his head's shaped like that. He ripped my perineum in half and I had to have eleven stitches. It took ten weeks before I could even sit down properly again. N鈥檃ie pas peur de ladame bizarre, mon cheri! Bonjour!
Jo
What the hell was that? Amber can't even speak English yet!
Helen
At this age they can learn almost anything. Christopher here is fluent in English and French and he's just started to sign. We chat to you all the time don't we, little champ? And he copies us. Like a parrot. All day鈥 all the live long day!
Wendy
The more you talk to your baby, the better they get on in school and adulthood. It's fact. The first step is encouraging your little one to copy you. They learn by watching what you do.
Helen
We're very big on communication with our little ones here in the mommune. It's the secret to a great relationship. Isn't that right, Tyler?
Tyler
Stop talking to me, Mum, you weirdo.
Helen
Chat again later, darling! Cup of tea?
Jo
Now come on鈥 Bonjour. Bonjour, Amber. Ni hao? Namaste? Even a Hiya will do! Bonjour. I need you to look as cute as possible so they'll want to stay in and babysit you tonight. And Mummy can go and sink a well-deserved drink or ten at the Steamboat. Instead of watching telly again and watching Mrs Brown's Boys. Okay? Okay?
So, ladies, I'm just gonna go for a really quick鈥
Amber
Bonjour!
Jo
Wake up! She speaks French!
Helen
That's great, champ鈥
Jo
Say Bonjour again!
Helen
Definitely sounds French to me鈥
Jo
No! She spoke French! Really!
Helen
Night, Jo. Night, Amber.
Wendy
Bon nuit, Amber.
[TELEVISION]
Now, in a change from our scheduled programme鈥 Mrs Brown's Boys.