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Archives for August 16, 2009 - August 22, 2009

10 things we didn't know last week

16:07 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

10_bottles.jpgSnippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. PowerPoint was originally called Presentation.

2. The average length of a PowerPoint presentation is 250 mins.

3. Emoticons in the East are the right way up (^_^).

4. The British Board of Film Classification has denied only three titles seeking an 18 rating during the last four years.

5. Surnames can have question marks.

6. You can write using squid ink.

7. Cricketer Andrew Flintoff played chess for Lancashire as a schoolboy.

8. The number of people reporting UFO sightings leapt up in the year when Independence Day was released in the UK.

9. London Ashford Airport and London Southend Airport are not officially recognised as London airports.

10. Four people died after being stung by a wasp, bee or hornet, in England and Wales in 2007.

Seen 10 things? . Thanks to Kate Dewsbury for this week's picture of 10 empty milk bottles and thanks also to Nuno Aragao from Portugal for one of the things.

Your Letters

14:53 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

It seems like Harry Potter is coming closer to reality. First it's and now . What next? Flying broomsticks?
Adrian, Sheffield

Yet that failed to live up to its promise. You really are a tease ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳.
Naomi P, Sunny Worthing

to check whether they have a place at university. This is despite only before it closed. Looks like somebody needs to retake their Computer Science A-level.
Ray Lashley, Colchester, UK

Another "retronym" - one from an earlier time and technology: Steam locomotive. Who prior to the 20th century needed to be told that their train was running on steam?
Colin McCartney, Hull, UK

The teachers of EH Lawrenson, London (Thursday Letters) missed the real "golden oldie" or maybe he misremembers:
Dick, whereas Tom had had "had had", had had "had had had": "had had" had had the examiners approval.
Keith, Lismore, Ireland

EH Lawrenson - there is another form of this that has all the hads together:
Tom, while Dick had had "had had" had had "had". "Had had" had had the teachers approval.
Kirk Northrop, Manchester, UK


Green shoots and leaves III

14:50 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

Comments

How you measure a green shoot, part three.

It's the Magazine's ongoing hunt for alternative ways of measuring what's going on in the economy.

So far this week we've looked at your suggestions for measuring trends in transport (number of cars on the M6, for instance) and newspapers (number of job adverts). Today we have to consider sick on the pavement.

Dan from New Orleans sets the scene. "The city of New Orleans judges the success of a Mardi Gras by, among other things, the total weight of garbage collected during that time period. Perhaps a Trash Index, seasonally adjusted for the weeks after Christmas and the turn of the school year, would give an idea of the state of the economy. You could also adjust the index to compensate for recycling and donations of used goods to charities. After all, in a good economy, people buy more things and replace them more often, generating garbage in packaging waste and in the goods they throw out, so the amount of garbage generated should be a pretty good indicator. It may also serve as a public awareness tool by constantly reminding people just how much waste we produce as a civilization."

Sarah, England proposes a Chewing Gum on the Pavement index. "More chewing gum = more money to buy chewing gum," she says, though we're not completely convinced by the logic. Stewart Paling, London, offers a variation: "More broken glass and cigarette butts on the pavements outside pubs suggests people are flush enough to afford to socialise again," which might be true, but the broken glass might mean people are more in the mood to start fighting because they're hard up.

So if not cigarette butts, then what?

Marc Davies from Aberdare proposes the amout of pizza discarded in the street with only a single slice missing. "Pizzas are not exactly an inexpensive end to the night anymore," he says, adding that a kebab index would be misleading since they are mostly bought in "alcohol-induced forgetfulness of how bad last week was".

DW, London, proposes "Drunken Fools": "I haven't been woken up at two in the morning by drunken fools singing or shouting in the street for some time. Every cloud has a silver lining."

Rodrigo proposes the numbers of people dressed in full goth/metal/punk attire in Camden in north London. "I doubt most of these people get investment banker wages. I remember when I first arrived in London, going to Camden on a weekend was a spectacle of urban subculture splendour. Ever since the crisis hit, it almost looks normal."

All imaginative but not quite right for our purposes. So final word for now goes to Joe who paints a beautiful picture of Slough. "More people going out the night before spending more money on drink, means more sick on the street the morning after."

Charming. Refinements to the proposals welcome via the comments field.


Caption Competition

13:00 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

Comments

Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

idowu_and_teddy_getty.jpg

Entries are now closed.

This week, British triple jumper Phillips Idowu leaps for gold at the IAAF World Athletics Championships. Watched by a teddy. But what's being said?

Thanks to all those who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. RMutt-Urinal
A bit of a mix up led to Phillips having his picture taken with Ursine Bolt.

5. MuteJoe wrote:
Crunch Creep had severely hit the new production of Gulliver's Travels

4. Throbgusset:
"I'm a little Steiff."
"Not too clever myself after that jump."

3. Jellyba
The cure for the loneliness of the long distance jumper

2. youngWillz
"And on the conveyor belt tonight..cuddly toy...internationally acclaimed long jumper..."

1. SimonRooke
Yeah, that's my barber, we'll get him after the ceremony.

Paper Monitor

11:08 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

In Dr Strangelove, perhaps the greatest Cold War-era nuclear paranoia comedy featuring Peter Sellers ever made, there is an imaginative way of assessing if the country is in the middle of World War III.

Sellers' character switches on a radio and finds popular music playing. He concludes that if war had started, the airwaves would not be full of music.

An equivalent measure is the prevalence of pictures of comely blonde girls celebrating A-levels on the newspaper fronts. If the day after results day, they weren't there, you would know to start digging a bunker in the garden.

First to the Daily Telegraph. In the masthead there are two faintly posh-looking blonde girls. They look happy.

Turn to page five and take Paper Monitor's short quiz. Which of these three is the big picture? George Weller, 18, who swapped inner London state school for private school in Brighton? Niall Thompson, 15, who's the youngest Cambridge entrant this year? Or blonde rower Jess Fitzpatrick, 18?

Even the Independent has ceased splashing on the fate of the Yangtze river dolphin and pops blonde Cherie Gardner, aka Miss Northern Ireland, on to its blurb (the what's inside bit beneath the masthead). You have to check the other papers to find out she hasn't even passed her A-levels yet. She's just at the AS stage.

The Daily Mail has a picture of a group of young women jumping up in the air, but nothing makes the front. It seems hardly bothered. The Daily Express has a blonde on the front, but a broader representation of hair colour inside.

The Guardian bucks the blonde trend of course. When you have Germaine Greer on a retainer, you keep on the straight and narrow. The Times also behaves itself.

But if comely blondes are your thing, the best destination is the Daily Star. They find space for the aforementioned Cherie Gardner and the aforementioned Jess Fitzpatrick. And they have a nice big picture of the blonde Rebecca Thompson who has been signed up by model agency Storm.

Ahh, no need to get the tin hat out today.

Friday's Quote of the Day

09:43 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

"I wondered what on earth the 'contamination' could be. Then they clarified it and said it was the apples" - Man whose recycling was refused because of apple contamination.

If you're lucky enough to have an apple tree in your garden, it's a question you might have asked yourself - garden recycling or food waste recycling. Keen gardener John Mason failed to get the right answer unfortunately and his recycling was not collected.

Weekly Bonus Question

08:56 UK time, Friday, 21 August 2009

Comments

Welcome to the Weekly Bonus Question.

Each week the news quiz will offer an answer. You are invited to suggest what the question might have been.

Suggestions should be sent using the COMMENTS BOX IN THIS ENTRY. And since nobody likes a smart alec, kudos will be deducted for predictability in your suggestions.

This week's answer is TWO RAINCOATS. But what's the question?

UPDATE 1603 BST: The correct question is, what was Bob Dylan said to be wearing when he was arrested in New Jersey? ()

Of your deliberately wrong suggestions, we liked hobo9917's What does a bashful flasher wear?

Web Monitor

17:20 UK time, Thursday, 20 August 2009

A celebration of the riches of the web.

Find out what the online poll disrupters are up to now and ask yourself: will there be no such thing as a free newspaper? Share your favourite bits of the web by sending the links via the letters box on the right of this page.

London Paper distributor
• Web Monitor will be intrigued to see the headlines on the giveaway newspapers this afternoon as the free debate takes another twist. WM has been tracking the mental volleyball between future predictions pundits about whether we may be entering an economy in which time and recommendations are traded instead of notes and coins. But it seems the industries that are already offering free stuff are becoming reluctant to give their goods for nothing. The latest in the list is the London Paper. It's a newspaper given out on street corners and outside train stations free-of-charge to commuters on their way home. It's widely and the , among others) that the paper is folding. So soon, there will be no such thing as a free London Paper.

Its part of Rupert Murdoch's press family, which is going to start charging a subscription for news websites such as Sun.co.uk and timesonline.co.uk.
Watch this space to see what the pop-thinkers will have to say on what this means for the free future.

• Web Monitor has detected some internet poll disruption going on this morning.


"It's taken all morning but this transgender Daily Mail poll is now 56% 'yes'"

The question in said poll is "Should the public fund a trans-gender police support group?" It is sitting on on "real cops neutered by transgender lobby".

Web Monitor remembers the furore over on the world's most influential person, won by an unheard-of online entrepreneur, Christopher Poole, also known as moot. Accusations across the web of Poole or his fans manipulating the online poll were rife.

• Here's one general knowledge question for the pub quiz for free:
What have the "first lady of football" Karren Brady and the "king of TV adaptations" Andrew Davies got in common? The answer: both Brady and Davies selected Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart as one of their tracks on Desert Island Discs. If you've ever wondered what the song is about, you may enjoy the blog Koufoukouron where Jeannie an accurate flow chart of the song. If you liked that, you may like the that featured in the Daily Mail in 2008.

If you wondered what the video was about, that's a whole different issue. But help is still at hand from who posted on . A pop video that actually represents its song is rare. But some pop guerrillas rectify this by changing the lyrics to explain what's happening in the video. So for Total Eclipse of the Heart, you get sublime lyrics such as:

"Locker room.
Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang
Of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl
Spin around. Ninjas! Then a bunch of preppies make a toast"

There are plenty more literal videos out there. Web Monitor suggests as a first stop on your discovery of the genre. Send your favourites from around the web via the letters form on the right of this page.

Green shoots and leaves II

17:03 UK time, Thursday, 20 August 2009

Comments

How do you measure a green shoot?, part two.

Earlier this week, we launched .

On Wednesday, we discussed some of your suggestions for measuring trends in transport - the number of bikes in the bike shed, for instance, or the number of bunches of forecourt flowers bought.

recycle_lite226.jpgToday we look at your thoughts on newspapers.

Dan Kendrick of Worcester thinks the thickness of local papers would be a good measure. "As businesses' cash flows struggle, they advertise less, and so local newspapers cut their page numbers to keep print and production costs down proportionately," he says, and presumably the same is true of non-local newspapers. Tim Aikens thinks so, saying: "As economic activity rises, the number of pages in the Sunday Times Appointments Section always goes up. It is a fair indicator of the state of the economy. Loadsa pages loadsa money!"

Mark Edwards, from Dunedin, New Zealand, agrees. "As the recession has bitten, the number of adverts has dropped, so newspapers have to cut back on their print runs, and so the average daily thickness of the daily newspaper drops. My local dropped from around 40 pages on average to about 28 - it's now up to the mid-30s again."

Mark, Jersey, narrows it down a bit, suggesting that the numbers of classified adverts in local papers would be an indication of how prepared people were to sell unused items to earn some extra money.

Klarien Masters of Sydney says: "My economic indicator has always been the number of job adverts on a particular international IT recruitment website. I have run the same search criteria for years (my speciality) and have seen the number fall (as jobs dry up, agencies fold, companies reduce advertising expenditure) from over 600 to less than 200 over the past two or so years." Sounds like a useful source of data, but perhaps it wouldn't quite have the specific angles about the position in the UK that we'd find most useful.

Jon, London, suggests that the number of non-free newspapers discarded on public transport is a measure of something, and Sarah, England, thinks the ongoing recession is going to make comic and magazine publishers load their publications with more free gifts.

All good thoughts. Any further refinements to any of these ideas welcome via the Comments field. Tomorrow our colleague Anthony Reubens will be writing more about the sales of baked beans, and here in the Monitor, we'll be thinking about sick.

Your Letters

15:07 UK time, Thursday, 20 August 2009

Describing an airport as "London Prestwick" (Wednesday letters) may sound totally ridiculous to us Brits, but don't forget we live on a small island, which gives us a different sense of scale to some other nations. I once met a Canadian who introduced himself as being from Toronto. He later admitted, "well, not actually from central Toronto, but about eight hours drive away". By those standards, Prestwick is indeed a London airport.
Adam, London, UK

Regarding the importance of punctuation (Wednesday letters), my Latin class was given this exercise to punctuate when learning the pluperfect (this was at a Scottish comprehensive in 2004):

Tom had had had Dick had had had had had had had had the teachers approval

With punctuation, the sense is revealed:

Tom had had "had", Dick had had "had had"; "had had" had had the teacher's approval.
EHLawrenson, London

that promised so much.
Sarah, London

Does it matter whether is a man or a woman? In these days of equality, surely men and women should run together?
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales

Re: Paper Monitor - what the right hand is doing?
Luke, Edinburgh

Another retronym: "hardcopy". It was called "the printed page" or something similar for centuries, but then we started distributing information as "softcopy".
Jessica, Enfield, UK

Paper Monitor

10:28 UK time, Thursday, 20 August 2009

Comments

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

This is subtle.

THIS IS NOT.

Perhaps the world athletics body, the IAAF, should take note. Shortly before Caster Semenya's 800m race at the championships in Berlin, it announced she would undergo a gender verification test.

Not that she's accused of cheating, so let's be sensitive about this, says an IAAF spokesman. "It's who she is physically. As a result it's done very carefully, very quietly just with the aim of working out if there is something that gives her an unfair advantage."

(Paper Monitor obviously works from a subtly different interpretation of careful and quiet. Which is perhaps why NO-ONE HAS GOT IN THE LATTES YET.)

And so begins the speculation, none of it discreet.
"Did a man win the women's 800m?" - Daily Mail front, followed up with "Is this golden girl all that she seems?" on page nine
"Is women's 800m champ a man?" - Daily Express
"Golden girl: Win for gender row runner" - Guardian front, followed with "Gold medallist told to prove she is a woman"
"Gender doubt over 800m star" - Independent, page 46 (not one to move sport to the front)
And, most subtle of all, the Sun:
(and its URL for this story includes the words "Is-sprinter-The-Running-Man.html"

Meanwhile, what did you really learn at university?

For Times , life at Oxford taught her "what an overdraft is, the confidence to pursue dreams and an infallible recipe for Bolognese".

Paper Monitor discovered that icing sugar is not a substitute for cornflour when coating fish. Caption Comp learned toilets are not self-cleaning. And Quote of the Day learned that posh people - really posh people - actually exist. It read politics at a university frequented by such people.

So what did you learn? Share, using the comments form on this entry.

Thursday's Quote of the Day

09:50 UK time, Thursday, 20 August 2009

"I never understood that I had a funny voice which could be impersonated. I thought my voice was perfectly normal but when I heard myself it made me feel sick" - Naturalist David Bellamy

It used to be a stock-in-trade of entry level impressionists. A bit of Michael Caine and then on to a quick David Bellamy. Apparently, he didn't always share in the fun.

Web Monitor

16:40 UK time, Wednesday, 19 August 2009

A celebration of the riches of the web.

Eyes down, look in - there's much NHS Bingo and word spotting to get on with. Share your favourite bits of the web by sending a link via the letters box on this page.

Bingo players• Web debate over the last week has been a fertile ground for Web Monitor's very own game: NHS Bingo. The idea suggested in WM previously was simple enough - NHS Bingo can be played when flicking through the opinions on US health reform. The first to find six references to the NHS is the winner. But so far, we've had no takers for the big prize (kudos - no physical prizes available). Maybe we need to make things simpler - how about an explanation of the from the ? How about that explanation on the back of ? Oh I see, you want to go back to the bingo idea now? Well there's plenty to get started on. seems to be playing NHS bingo - charting last week's NHS love-fest on Twitter, where Gordon Brown and David Cameron both added their comments to the #welovetheNHS trending topic. The Investors Business Daily made a booboo when they that physicist Stephen Hawkins wouldn't do too well in the UK as, it suggests, the NHS forgets about people with disabilities. It was , that Hawkins does live in the UK. This was and the article was changed. So come on, eyes down, look in, let's play Bingo.

• Life doesn't often imitate Robocop, let alone Robocop 2. But a fantasy advert in said film for sunblock with an SPF of 5,000 seems to be nearing reality. a new term - SPF creep - which describes the trend for higher and higher sun protection factors in sun creams. Wordspy spotted , reporting the introduction of Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry Touch Sunblock SPF 100+ they also noted that Canada's that Health Canada has approved a sun cream with a 110 SPF, but the earliest citation of SPF creep was of this year. Can you find an earlier use?

As words evolve, some disappear as well. Media 'expert' (press critic and journalism professor to be precise) Jay Rosen believes that the next word to go is blogger. He says it will become a redundant word, or as the people in :

"We asked Rosen what he thought of the term "blogger" and how there is not a word to distinguish a journalist who blogs and a numbnut who blogs. "

Yesterday's Web Monitor challenge to find the word for new words for old objects surpassed by technology has been met with gusto.

Neil Golightly in Manchester found the word to explain the concept. As well as landline, other retronyms found by Frederick Heath-Renn in London include: "acoustic guitar", "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope", and "silent movie". Richard Cochran added "film camera". And many of you corrected Web Monitor on one point - landline, including Irene in Atlanta:

"I think 'landline' is more a case of a word that used to be only known to specialists. I believe I first came across it in a Freeman Wills Croft detective novel set in , and probably also written in, World War II."

More details are in Your Letters. The search is still on for a blog tracking retronyms, so keep clicking away.

• The political blogosphere has some new words in it aswell. Well, when we say new, we mean Welsh. Welsh is a new language to Web Monitor, who doesn't often come across Welsh blogs but was happily surprised to find out our colleague Vaughan Roderick's ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ blog on Welsh politics in Welsh at number nine in the top 40 political blogs as . Surprising when considering the ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Voices pages says:

"According to the 2001 UK census, 582,000 people in Wales claim to be able to speak Welsh."


Vaughan Roderick has commented on the vote:
"Beth fedra i ddweud? Mae'n rhaid bod mwy o bobol yn deall Cymraeg nac oeddwn i'n meddwl! Diolch i bawb wnaeth bleidleisio!"


• on creative interpretation of the word "London" by those at Oxford Airport who have rebranded it as London Oxford Airport. on the bright side:
"B&Bs in Victoria can now promote themselves as the perfect base for a weekend in the Cotswolds."

Meanwhile, creative writing is also being seen at Heathrow airport - as Alain de Botton has become the resident writer there :

"If you were asked to take a Martian anywhere to try and understand what the modern world is actually like, you'd probably take them to the airport. This is where modern civilisation has, as it were, got all the bits on display. You've got high technology, you've got globalisation, you've got environmental threat, you've got consumerism. It's all here in the airport, which is what makes a journey to the airport a trip in itself."

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The pop-philosopher is not the first to ask the big questions about airports - as reported in Web Monitor, about his love for airports:

"Borders will be torn down. Others will go up. Identities will disappear. Others will take their place. Languages will die. Others will arise. The non-places of today are the places of tomorrow."

Bure and de Botton seem to argue that the airport is not merely part of the journey but the destination in itself. The airport review site , goes one step further, seeing the airport as a potential roof over one's head for a night. It gives users' reviews to whether you can get away with saving on a night's accommodation and sleep in an airport or if it really is less hassle to splash the cash on a hotel. , whilst Paris's .

Green shoots and leaves

16:09 UK time, Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Comments

How do you measure a green shoot?

On Monday, Michael Blastland started the Magazine's search for .

The idea is simple - what everyday things could be signs of the wider state of the nation. The amount of popcorn sold, for instance, or how much junk mail is delivered. We want to draw up a list of several different indexes and plan to measure them over the coming weeks to see if they are as useful as conventional measures of how the economy is doing.

Based on your suggestions so far, in the Monitor we will be discussing various options, and invite you to make further suggestions on how the proposals could be refined and measured.

cyclists_in_convoy226pa.jpgFirst, let's think about transport. Lots of you have suggested this as being ripe for measurement.

Tim Devonshire from Peterborough suggests counting bikes in the office cycle shed. "No matter how many people claim it is for the health benefits, it is an amusing coincidence that our 10% pay cut preceded a week when every cycle shed in our office was suddenly full," he says.
And Philip Nash of London is on the same lines. "The number of people on bikes on the way to work in the morning - though of course this index would have to control for the weather, advertising campaigns and the Tour de France being on TV," he says, all of which are good points and might mean cycles are, in this sense, a non-starter.

So how about taxis?

Charles Macdonald, also of London, says from time to time he asks drivers of black cabs how long it takes to make £100. "Taxis are a discretionary expense. It is always possible to find a cheaper but less convenient means. Two years ago it took between four and six hours on a weekday. Ten months ago it took a day-and-a-half. Now a cabbie can take in just over £100 on a week day. These figures are only approximate based on a sample (some taxi drivers take offense when asked), but they show not only expenditure, but confidence."

Interesting thoughts - but perhaps a bit too difficult to measure reliably.

Rudolf Hucker says having worked in the West End of London for 20 years, an "infallible barometer" of economic health is the ease or not of getting a parking space in Berkeley Square. If only he'd kept records we might be on to something.

Tony Leigh proposes something a bit simpler, which feels bit like Reggie Perrin. "How about the time taken to commute to work?" he asks. "My drive used to take me 25 minutes, now it's below 15. Fewer people working = fewer people driving to work = less congestion on roads. And vice versa."
Evis T of Menai Bridge has a variant on it - "The car pool index? - and Russell James, Wirral, proposes counting the number of cars on the M6 Toll motorway. "At present if you drive along it, you feel like you've just before part of a film depicting the world after the human race had vanished," he says.

Peter K, London, takes the debate onto the tracks. "How easy is it to get a seat on the train? When there's a recession, there are fewer people commuting or going on business. When there's a boom, there's obviously more. One effect that is a bit more subtle is during a house-price boom, then the number of long-distance commuters goes up, as people try and find cheaper places to live."

bunchofflowers_bbc.jpgAngela, London, takes a different tack. "What about sales of flowers at petrol stations? I think sales go up during times of recession and high stress, being a relatively cheap way of saying 'sorry' or 'thank you' or 'I've lost my job' when you don't have much dosh."

So where does that leave us? We may be on to something good here, but it needs to be a quite specific thing we're looking for, yet not obviously over-influenced by other factors. Any further thoughts via the Comments field please.

Your Letters

15:56 UK time, Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Well I take it all back. I only got 3/7 in the , and I have a PhD in chemistry, so clearly media studies is a harder subject than chemistry after all.
Adam, London, UK

Was I the only one disappointed when I tried to cheat on the font question in the media studies quiz? The source code for the page listed the font as charset=iso-8859-1, which didn't really help.
Ray Lashley (with a PhD in the sciences, but only a B in GCSE media studies), Colchester, UK

Surely, surely, it's not right that there were no comments about the alternative Thriller lyrics in Web Monitor being bad?
James, Croydon

Re - what about the legendary Ryanair flights to "London Prestwick", an airport a mere 400 miles away from the linked city ().
Sander, London

Is Web Monitor looking for the word "backronym"?
Bas, London

They're retronyms!
Magical Trevor

"Men are advised to drink no more than four units a day - the equivalent of two pints of regular-strength beer, and women no more than three units - the equivalent of a large, 250ml glass of wine." ()
Er - gender stereotype much?
Gwenhwyfaer, Sheffield, UK

Jantien (Tuesday's letters), Saramago doesn't use much punctuation, but he does use commas, full stops and capital letters. In English translation his books also include the requisite apostrophes (don't know if these are in the original Portuguese) so they are much easier to read (from a grammatical perspective) than yesterday's Paper Monitor. Saramago's Blindness is one of the best books ever written. Give it another try.
Beth, London

Regarding Paper Monitor's lack of punctuation, I was reminded of the following classic display of how important punctuation is.
Version 1:
Dear Jon,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Gloria
Version 2:
Dear Jon,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria
Ben Merritt, Sheffield, England

Did anyone else think that was going to involve a very impressive ornithological display?
Nicolas, Bristol

Dear Chris (Thursdays letters), the name of your lake is even worse, given the first half is old Flemish for nookie.
Fred, Rotherham

I have a question about the Monitor. Been as the Monitor is a faceless, possibly genderless collective hive life-form, does that make it the first transhuman news source? And is the Monitor pro or anti the Transhumanist movement?
Rob, Reading

Paper Monitor

11:36 UK time, Wednesday, 19 August 2009

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

PR and journalists are like yin and yang. Without the darkness, would the light still exist?

At its most basic level, the bit of PR that deals with consumers is all about getting free advertising.

Take the theme park (which shall obviously remain unnamed by Paper Monitor) which manages to get itself some column inches today.

This place has banned visitors from raising their arms in the traditional fashion to stop the problem of bodily odour affecting other customers' enjoyment. It has put up signs with the legend: "Say NO to BO."

It's all been done in time for tomorrow's expected hot day. And it makes a page lead in the Daily Mirror and a page lead in the Daily Star. There's space to say the rides are so frightening that people sweat more. Ah, right. This sort of advertising usually costs a bit of wedge. Not here.

But the Sun is on to them. It only makes the story into a bit of grouting (the stuff used to fill the cracks between the bigger stories).

For another example of the art, see the coverage of the US research that suggests a broken heart really does hurt.

And thanks for your thoughts yesterday on Paper Monitor's dalliance with no punctuation. SundayParkGeorge wrote in the comments on the post: "[PerHaps-WE...nEEd+tO_OVERcompensate*IN'tHe=ComMentS|IN{order~TO}reDRESS(the BALaNCE)?]" which showed impressive dedication to the shift key. On the , Fiona Winters revealed that she fancied herself as a putative apostrovigilante, but only if it came with a costume. Raising the tone, Roofie Thompson, also on Facebook, said that the Hebrew and Greek of the Bible were written without punctuation which has created all sorts of issues with translation.

Top marks however go to Jamie_Brown_ who wrote that everyone should get . Paper Monitors order is in now.

Wednesday's Quote of the Day

09:20 UK time, Wednesday, 19 August 2009

"It really was a case of 'buy one, get one free'" - Imran Mirza, witness to Tesco cash machine paying double.

It's an absolute staple of the news. Cash machine malfunctions. Cash machine starts paying out double. Cash machine gets long queues.

Web Monitor

16:43 UK time, Tuesday, 18 August 2009

A celebration of the riches of the web.

What's the first thing you do when you wake up? Check Web Monitor? If not, why not? It's all the rage.

Kenyan mobile phone users• A long-running debate in global economics has been about the use of the terms "developed" and "developing" world. Other than suggesting the world sits in one big photographic dark room, some argue that the terms also don't fit when you look at the rise of the mobile phone. In the past 10 years, mobile phones have taken off in Africa - . Now the America is following Africa as Americans are cutting the wires of their landlines and sticking to mobiles:

"Telecoms operators are seeing customers abandon landlines at a rate of 700,000 per month. Some analysts now estimate that 25% of households in America rely entirely on mobile phones... First to suffer are telemarketers, though they cannot expect much sympathy. Mobile numbers are harder to get hold of, and in most cases it is also against the law for telemarketers to call them (although many still do), since mobile users in America are charged for receiving calls as well as making them."

Incidentally, are there more words like "landline"? It's only a word because mobiles came about. Before, they were just phone lines. Other examples welcome via the comment box. Or surely there should be a blog devoted to new words about old things out there somewhere. It could start by wondering what, specifically, these new words about old things could be called. (Before anyone e-mails in, Web Monitor has thought about it and doesn't think "neologism" is quite exact enough.)

• People in the US aren't starting just a casual relationship with mobiles after dumping their landlines. that mobiles are increasingly becoming the first thing they want to look at in the morning:

"After six to eight hours of network deprivation - also known as sleep - people are increasingly waking up and lunging for cellphones and laptops, sometimes even before swinging their legs to the floor and tending to more biologically urgent activities."

The riposte to this post comes in the form of a blog post from that trends identified in the New York Times aren't always so widespread as they seem, alleging:

"[E]very anecdotal example in the story comes from the small, insular world of Stone's present and former colleagues, and even from inside the NYT itself."

• Web Monitor wishes for the day that you check us every morning but sometimes wonders why you would bother. Thankfully, why we are motivated to constantly search the internet. Yoffe says dopamine is the chemical which hard-wired the brain to love Google, Twitter, and texting. She says it can all be explained by research by neuroscientists such as Jaak Panksepp:

"[H]e says, 'Seeking is the granddaddy of the systems.' It is the mammalian motivational engine that each day gets us out of the bed, or den, or hole to venture forth into the world... For humans, this desire to search is not just about fulfilling our physical needs. Panksepp says that humans can get just as excited about abstract rewards as tangible ones. He says that when we get thrilled about the world of ideas, about making intellectual connections, about divining meaning, it is the seeking circuits that are firing.
The juice that fuels the seeking system is the neurotransmitter dopamine."

is sceptical:

"When you look a tree searching for unusual patterns in the bark, you are getting information and rewards. We could just as easily rewrite the article as 'how the brain hard-wires us to love forests, trees, and curious patterns in the bark'. You could, of course, and the article would be equally as (in)valid scientifically, but you'd never get it in the media because there's currently a market for faux science internet scare stories but not hand-wringing over the addictive potential of trees."

Your Letters

16:36 UK time, Tuesday, 18 August 2009

well paper monitor it certainly hurts my eyes just to look at it but you are finding yourself in excellent company writer and winner of the nobel prize for literature jose saramago has written all his works without punctuation wonder why i still havent finished one of his books or even made it further than the first chapter
Jantien, The Hague, The Netherlands

Thanks a lot, Paper Monitor. I now have ink all over my computer screen from filling in the missing apostrophes etc.
Alex K, Bath, UK

It's all very well changing your name to "" to avoid confusion with The Cure's lead singer, but it makes you look a bit silly. Actually, quite a lot silly, because Google ignores punctuation so you only get ranked seventeenth, even on a search for "Robert Smith?", with the quotes. No, wait. You look completely silly because there's another academic called Robert Smith seven places ahead of you.
David Richerby, Leeds, UK

Regarding the "Science ponders 'zombie attack'" story. I wish to nominate the lead scientist for the first instance of nominative punctuation. As for the story itself, once again I am awestruck as the boundaries of science are pushed further forward.
Graham, Hayle

And here was me thinkingwas going to be a follow-up to .
Paul Greggor, London

My reaction to this headline was that surely was utterly unspecific.
Daniel, London

Is Freddie really taking the final test seriously? for a photoshoot is hardly appropriate.
Mark, London

Re: . Only 40%?
Pamela, Vancouver, Canada

paper monitor

12:03 UK time, Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Comments

a service highlighting the riches of the daily press

paper monitor gets the feeling that someone has been reading the work of our esteemed colleague mr michael blastland

the daily mail headline snoring men twice as likely to die early is typical newspaper fodder the kind of conclusions that are drawn from scientific reports and then oversimplified

but the subheading on the article displays some appreciation of those bothersome hidden depths stories so often have

it says but is noisy sleep a sign of poor health or the cause

elsewhere many papers resisted the opportunity to play around with photographs of the former mrs ritchie with her new squeeze jesus luz

the sun didnt

it says and thats really all you need to know

regular readers might wonder what on earth has got into paper monitor today with this whole bally lack of any kind of punctuation

even now one is braced for emails saying i didnt pay my licence fee for you not to have punctuation

but its all an experiment in the times theres a who in these post lynne truss days was enraged with a missing apostrophe on the signs at st johns close where he lives

so much so that he took vigilante action and inked the missing apostrophes in

the surprising thing is the hostility he has encountered from some of his neighbours one of whom called him a vandal and a graffiti artist

maybe just maybe this is the start of a revolt against pedants

paper monitor of course has no views either way but will be on the lookout for any more evidence of a pedantry backlash and this is a blunt tactic to try to flush it out

putative apostrovigilantes comment away and to kick things off dont hyperlinks count as punctuation


Tuesday's Quote of the Day

09:23 UK time, Tuesday, 18 August 2009

"Hit them hard and hit them often" - advice from Canadian researchers on how to deal with zombies

Using a zombie plague as an analogy for a lethal, rapidly-spreading infection, academics in Ottawa illustrated the outcome of a battle between humans and the "undead". Their conclusion was - don't capture or cure them, whack them over the head.


Web Monitor

16:02 UK time, Monday, 17 August 2009

A celebration of the riches of the web.

Web Monitor celebrates a diamond anniversary today. At 60 editions, WM is feeling precious, sought after and like it's been under a lot of earth for many many years. Help us get to 65 by sharing your favourite links via the comment box.

Steve Keifer• The old tenuous links to Michael Jackson have reared their head in the blogosphere again. Web Monitor noted before the blog which documented strained local angles newspapers spun on the news of Michael Jackson's death. This time the world of corporate press shots has uncovered business to business press also getting in on the Jackson action. The , for reasons unfathomable to Web Monitor, collects press shots of executives of large corporations. The idea behind the blog is to "Meet the silver-foxes and their lovely lady friends who rule our corporate world."
One such exec profiled in the blog is the vice president of Industry and Product Marketing for GXS in July. business to business e-commerce, with the headline "Can Your Supply Chain Do the Moonwalk?" and finished off by writing on the subject to the tune of Thriller:

"The following is a lyrical description of the VMI process I composed to the tune of Thriller:
It's close to midnight and all the stores are getting pretty dark
Under the moonlight, you get the POS file transfer ready to start
You try to stream, but the file's so large it starts to choke your router
Screen starts to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
File's paralyzed
'Cause this the thriller, thriller night
And no one's going to save you from potential out-of-stocks.
I know it was Bad, but entertaining hopefully..."

• Web Monitor is tracking the money free debate. This is the idea that costs will one day be so low and people will be so unwilling to pay that instead we'll trade in another currency, such as time. One way costs are considered to reduce is through people offering themselves for free labour. The the exploitation involved in unpaid internships. Now, that for a graduate to get through the recession they should be offering their services for free and working remotely. The main advantage for the employer to allow a graduate to do free work for them from home rather than coming to their office every day as an intern is that is takes away virtually all the risk to the employer. And for the free employee working remotely means they can work with anyone in the world, provided they have some means of communication.

However, that employers aren't making as much use of free workers as you'd expect:

"Free work isn't easy to get. Big companies, for example, have bureaucrats that don't often know what to do with a great offer like this. And some people (I'll put myself in this category) are too hands-on to take advantage of it. But you'd be amazed at how many fast-moving companies or influential individuals are all too happy to share credit if it helps the work get done."

Interestingly, in reality it looks like we may be veering away from a free future as Rupert Murdoch has announced his companies including the Times will be charging to look at their articles online. this is not before time:

"The bogus idea that 'news is free information' has captivated a generation of media managers. It is like saying fruit is free food or wind is free energy. As in the Guardian last week, newspapers were 'seduced by the evangelical gee-whizzery of the electro-hippies'. Editorial machismo was boosted by multimillion 'unique hits'. The truth was that online newspapers were free-sheets for slow learners."

• The world of print may have another problem, and it's not the web. new research which claims to prove that people are more likely to remember what they see on a film than what they read. This causes a problem as they are more likely to remember Hollywood fiction than textbook fact. Andrew Butler, a psychology researcher at Washington University told Live Science:

"What we found is that there's something really special about watching a film that lets people retain information from that film, even when they had read a contradictory account in the textbook."

The research also shows the power film can have over us. in his article on how neuroscientists have been working out what film sequences keep us engaged:
"The NYU researchers envision directors using such techniques to tweak and edit their movies during production. Is the musical score failing to arouse from viewer's brains in the climactic scene? Change it. People aren't connecting so strongly to the main character? Maybe it's time to rethink the character's lines."

Your Letters

15:53 UK time, Monday, 17 August 2009

Regarding - was it too obvious to describe it as a "catastrophe"?
Dan, Oxford

"" and "" appearing on the same page - sounds like Gordon Brown has found the right medium for Prime Minister's Questions at long last.
Ann Till, Petersfield, UK

That's not an - it's clearly Hitler.
Dan, Cambridge

What are the chances of this? I see appear on my screen the very same second I start tucking into a ham sandwich. I feel terrible now.
Adam, London, UK

? Well, obviously, he didn't need no education.
Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK

I did have second thoughts when registering as on bebo.com
Nuno Aragao, Aveiro, Portugal

Paper Monitor

10:58 UK time, Monday, 17 August 2009

Comments

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

If there's one thing we want to know in these troubled times, it's Richard Madeley's pulling secrets. Not that he's on the market, of course. But he was once, so what tactics did he employ?

Mail on Sunday by one of Madeley's former colleagues on the East London Advertiser blows the gaff. (Excuse the argot, but this was 1974, and as the author of the article, Lyn Olley, remarks, the whole era now seems like a slice of Life on Mars.)

A young single Madeley asks Olley for advice on getting a girlfriend. Olley suggests inviting someone home for dinner - cheaper than a restaurant, which was a factor for someone earning just £15 a week.

"There's just one problem," Madeley admitted. "I can't cook." Olley tries to think of a recipe easy enough for someone who can't cook, and comes up with a tuna casserole. "I explained that the beauty of it was that no fresh ingredients were required, everything was cheap and could be bought in advance and left in the cupboard. This was a massive plus for a budding Lothario who couldn't even be certain of enticing his date home."

So here's your cut-out-and-on-no-account-keep recipe.

  • Drain two tins of tuna, and flake it into a dish.
  • Add two tins of condensed creamy mushroom soup, with half a tin of water.
  • Add some frozen peas, and mix.
  • Open a large packet of salt and vinegar crisps, and spread them on top of the dish, the put into the oven for 30 minutes. The bottom layer of crisps should absorb some of the casserole liquid and go soggy, while those on top should remain crispy.

So the million dollar question - did it work?

"A couple of weeks later Richard caught me in the office," Olley writes. "'Love that menu, Lyn, love it!' he said, and judging by the silly grin on his face, I knew exactly what he meant."


UPDATE: 1300BST
On second thoughts, if anyone is brave enough to try to bake their own tuna casserole - for the sake of historical re-enactment purposes - then please be our guest. And if you live to tell the tale, then let us know about it in the usual manner. Of particular interest will be the extent to which the bottom layer of crisps goes soggy and the upper remains crisp and whether, as Olley alleges, the result is delicious. The comments field is, by the way, open for discussion of this matter.

Monday's Quote of the Day

10:07 UK time, Monday, 17 August 2009

"It kind of reminds me of scenes from that comedy Airplane! when two black guys speak and subtitles appear on the screen" George Pelecanos, a writer of The Wire, on people watching the show with subtitles.

Faced with unfamiliar Baltimore-based street drug vocabulary like slinging, humbles, re-ups, hoppers, Spiderbags, narcos, fiends, and stick-up boys, many viewers of the HBO series, currently being shown on ³ÉÈËÂÛ̳ Two, might be forgiven for seeking some assistance as to what is actually being said. But Pelecanos is unimpressed: "We wrote it it so audiences would have to work at it!"

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