Trigger Happy Radio
Over the years I have witnessed on many occasions, what I can only describe as: the ubiquitous "Rule of Dumb!". Now in order to experience this ancient rule being properly implemented, all that you need is for one person to have a spur-of-the-moment idea and for his two mates to nod in agreement without giving it much thought, then.......hey presto! the dumbness takes over.
The spontaneous idea in question was the suggestion that we should all take some herbal pills live on air and conduct the show collectively defying the forces of gravity. The pills were jokingly given to Matt as a birthday present and advertised an ability to stimulate our nether regions like the top shelf of a newsagent. However the only thing that they seemed to do, was to open up the doors to an weird abstract world of the smurfs, Trotters' trading company and flasbacks of Elvis's '68 comeback special!
Why do people generally assume that if something says "Natural" or "Herbal" then it's got to be automatically good for you? Socrates didn't do much more philosophising after he drank some "Herbal" hemlock did he? And what about in the A-Team all that "natural" milk that Hannibal used to give B.A. so that he could get him on a plane? Think about it, for all the herbal concoctions that Gargamel cooked up, did he ever catch one lousy smurf?.... I rest my case.
But the "rule of dumb" had to prevail and ashamedly we even dragged the actor Roger Lloyd Pack (who famously starred as "Trigger" from "Only Fools and Horses") into the warped surreal mix of the show (though I must add he was hardly reluctant!). I could see our producer Nick's jaw drop in disbelief as events just got stranger and stranger. I even started to entertain a paranoid thought that maybe Zippy had secretly slipped these herbal pills to us in retaliation! At the end of the broadcast, we walked out into the night and headed off to check out that party. The Herbal Idiots had left the building....
Tales of the Un-erected
If expectations are to be expected,
And dictators are to be accepted,
Erections are now requested,
Herbally corrected, yet kept protected,
Let's inject with: Noel the roving reporter, who's quite frankly ineffective.
Quaffing nibbles after a tipple on the toilet demanding to be respected,
The Smurf collective have now been thoroughly represented,
But you can't trust 'em through customs like an Elvis voice just projected,
So what's the best bit to be selected from this crazy zoned-out perspective?
A "throaty voice" detected? or hurricane names inspected?
"Trigger" looks perplexed with,
Our offer to be organically infected,
I guess that it should now be accepted, on this show just expect the unexpected!
Simply Breathtaking Gee
Ive just come across a record label called ‘Gee Street’. Anything to do with you Mr Gee? A great poem (they always are though), especially when written under the influence of what was probably ground lettuce in tablet form. Did it turn you into Duracell Bunny? I reckon belief is everything with these things.
x
Nice to see u back Mr Gee! the show needs athe grand finale that u give sir. I don't know wot u guys were on but I want in lol
Hey Randy Brandy .... am building up word of the Russolution on the Drivetime Blog - you should pop over sometime for a peek!
CtD x x x
PS: If you end up with Mrs Gallagher, can I have Noel please?!?!??
hello
me and my friend nick are thinking of paying to come down to blackpool and stay in a hotel for the night will russell definatly be there?
Just so we aren't wasting our money.
Thanks
I guy here at the internet bar, got me registered in face book. Its such a scary web sight!
I just had to have the computer rebooted, I got into such a muddle in there. Everything ended up freezing!
I felt a bit like a peeping tom snooping around "new friends" personal photographs.
Such a weird feeling.
I frightened myself, thinking it would be so easy to get caught with yer trousers down in there! Poking ,indiscriminantly, not remembering who you,ve poked already.
Risking, looking desparate!
Actually being desparate!
I wondered if people would judge your eagerness to appear to have a whole catalogue of friends.
Ah, I returned to the relative tranquility of this nice safe site.
I did get a poke from Adam Sandler, which made my day.
But its all a bit new.
Its strange really, coz a part of me wants to go back there to facebook and take on the challange.
But I do think you have to keep your cool. It seems the site for the dudes who are very fluent in the cyber world.
Hi guys!
Its still reasonably warm here.
We had to get up early and go to a job focused interview today.
Only to ten mins, so that was ok.
Sounds like it all got a bit intense in the States, at times.
What a shame, that the Americans are sweethearts, but the government are spindoodling the armed forces through the middle east.
To protect the national security of the USA.
The mess in Iraq can only play itself out now.
Who knows if the Americans will benefit the Middle East by trying to democratise it.
I know this is a spanner in the works and will come as an unnecesary bore.
Sadly, though for some reason I want to point out some ancient history.
The USA want to protect the homeland from terrorist attacks.
Terrorist attacks are unfair, unjust and barbaric.
They do threaten the security of America.
But, it wasnt that long ago, that America was established.
In order to claim the land for themselves, the settlers had to abolish and destroy the lifestyles of the Native Americans.
The homeland was, very much their turf, before it was comandeered.
The Red Indians, thought the concept of owning land, as preposterous. Although they probably wouldnt use that term.
They didnt see how it was possible to own such a thing.
They loved the land and respected it.
They moved as the buffallo moved.
The setttlers killed all the live stock.
So as to take away the livelihoods of the Indians, who relied on the Buffallo for food and clothing.
In order for the settlers to enjoy what they have now,they eradicated an intrinsic part of the identity of America.
You cant do that and not destroy part of your soul.
The defence secretary sighted how the US have eradicated despots, dictatorships and regimes in the growing world.
It has had a hand in the evolution of bringing the world into the 21st century. With finite ideas of what is better.
Sitting firmly in its own history, though is a measured indiscriminate intolerance, what it considers inapropriate and offensive.
Looking back at the Native American history, you see a civalized people, full of rich customs and spirituality.
The Europeans could not accept this consept so, wiped them out.
Its not always beneficiall to imprint your own way on others.
Throwing out the baby with the bathh water.
Some aspects of our history, trully needed rectification.
The very wheel that brought in great, prosperity and built America as a rich prosperous nation.
The import and use of African slaves.
Yes, there, built right in the homeland is the African identity.
The country was co built by Africa.
The very land that the West has little time or intrest, to democratise and improve, with th esame interest and zeal which it has for the Middle East.
When I saw Bush cast his aspersions on the conflict, there was a great measure of glibness.
Lack of soul and integrity is a threat, to the world!
I really think that the American Government shoul return to the United Nations, cap in hand.
The United Nations will provide the balance needed to improve the World situation.
The security of America is very itinerant, to the United Nations.
There are the lovliest people in America, they need genuin representation from their leaders.
In heinsight, the quest to acuire more prosperity at any cost can deeply scar a country.
Even to maintain what would be regarded as the status quo, must be debatable.
If a nation had a little less, or even a modest sensible amount.
There would be more measured decisions to how the country works in an ethical way. Causing less harm.
The States has the potential to show a well regarded, wise example to the world.
But the question is.
Will its appetite spoil all of the good intentions.
Hi guys.
Its the tory conferance this week.
I,m not really one to go down the political road,
Lacking any real views generally about the parties.
They have always struck me as pretty much of a muchness.
The direction generally being the same.
Now I feel quite opinionated about what has emerged from the tories. [hug a hoodie!
change the economic fate of marrieds. Look down on those on benefits, only tax, millionares with inheritence.]
I feel fearfully threatened by the views emanating from the leadership.
The stance on welfare reform, regarding families, charting their brakedown as the cause for societies problems; smacks me as FACHIST and divisive.
David Cameron is championing families as the answer.
This is scary.
It comes across as if family breakup, is a devient act of will!
This is seen in, the proposal to pay married couples to stay together.
Its just such a mis apprehension.
Families, have evolved and now come in diverse shapes and sizes.
The old idea of family is such a lovely one, but society and the, steemrollering, move to push the national economy along, seems to have disregarded family as redundant.
As a people, we have moved so far from interdependance.
Every man for his own!
Subsequently people look to their workplace for community.
The whole concept of community has eroded in this country.
Or maybe is has just metemorphasised, and become a differint animal.
We are so hard pushed, with so little time.
We are so keen to get what we can out of life.
I don't know.
The alarming point I want to raise is that, David Cameron has no real integrity of deep understanding of the actual needs of this country.
This is revealed in his proposals,
he seems to repeatedly come out with ridiculous plans as solutions.
Non of them are realistic, or reflect any empathy.
They are narrowminded.
Frankly, pandering to the steriotypes, you would expect to hear around the dinner table in an upper middle class family.
This country is made up of a far greater percentage of poorer people.
It all rings of the rich getting richer!
Why are the loaded residents of this country not expected to pay their way, re inheritance tax.
The mind boggles.
I would never take sides in the dodgy business of politics.
I can only hope that Gordy wont end up a wolf in sheeps clothing.
I feel a leaning towards him as he seems to see th larger picture.
His years of waiting in the wings, seem to have given him the eyesa to see!
He does seem to have integrity.
He is not looking for popularity, by coming out with outlandish crazy ideas.
I think, the tories lack in experience, right now.
They are like babies.
Sorry to say this!
I do hope I,m not wrong as I so often am.
I,m going with my instincts here.
Theres no hype with Gordon. I think he will bring stability.
He is beyond the heckling, game plan, battle for votes.
His heart seems to be for England and not just to keep the merrygo round of of and on party contests.
Our country does not need a party to win. It needs a committed government to make, considered and right disisions for it.
Now, you loada, chancers, get of all the affectations and do this country right.
Its not about wrangling for the best seat in the house. Theres a whole world outside the houses of parliament.
Take the blinkers off open the windows and look out.
Listen, look and learn.
Please dont patronise us.
Think outside the box!
All the best!
Hi guys.
Its the tory conferance this week.
I,m not really one to go down the political road,
Lacking any real views generally about the parties.
They have always struck me as pretty much of a muchness.
The direction generally being the same.
Now I feel quite opinionated about what has emerged from the tories. [hug a hoodie!
change the economic fate of marrieds. Look down on those on benefits, only tax, millionares with inheritence.]
I feel fearfully threatened by the views emanating from the leadership.
The stance on welfare reform, regarding families, charting their brakedown as the cause for societies problems; smacks me as FACHIST and divisive.
David Cameron is championing families as the answer.
This is scary.
It comes across as if family breakup, is a devient act of will!
This is seen in, the proposal to pay married couples to stay together.
Its just such a mis apprehension.
Families, have evolved and now come in diverse shapes and sizes.
The old idea of family is such a lovely one, but society and the, steemrollering, move to push the national economy along, seems to have disregarded family as redundant.
As a people, we have moved so far from interdependance.
Every man for his own!
Subsequently people look to their workplace for community.
The whole concept of community has eroded in this country.
Or maybe is has just metemorphasised, and become a differint animal.
We are so hard pushed, with so little time.
We are so keen to get what we can out of life.
I don't know.
The alarming point I want to raise is that, David Cameron has no real integrity of deep understanding of the actual needs of this country.
This is revealed in his proposals,
he seems to repeatedly come out with ridiculous plans as solutions.
Non of them are realistic, or reflect any empathy.
They are narrowminded.
Frankly, pandering to the steriotypes, you would expect to hear around the dinner table in an upper middle class family.
This country is made up of a far greater percentage of poorer people.
It all rings of the rich getting richer!
Why are the loaded residents of this country not expected to pay their way, re inheritance tax.
The mind boggles.
I would never take sides in the dodgy business of politics.
I can only hope that Gordy wont end up a wolf in sheeps clothing.
I feel a leaning towards him as he seems to see th larger picture.
His years of waiting in the wings, seem to have given him the eyesa to see!
He does seem to have integrity.
He is not looking for popularity, by coming out with outlandish crazy ideas.
I think, the tories lack in experience, right now.
They are like babies.
Sorry to say this!
I do hope I,m not wrong as I so often am.
I,m going with my instincts here.
Theres no hype with Gordon. I think he will bring stability.
He is beyond the heckling, game plan, battle for votes.
His heart seems to be for England and not just to keep the merrygo round of of and on party contests.
Our country does not need a party to win. It needs a committed government to make, considered and right disisions for it.
Now, you loada, chancers, get of all the affectations and do this country right.
Its not about wrangling for the best seat in the house. Theres a whole world outside the houses of parliament.
Take the blinkers off open the windows and look out.
Listen, look and learn.
Please dont patronise us.
Think outside the box!
All the best!
Russel, I,m a little concerned!
I'm worried that you feel you have to treat your bookywook as deeply confessional.
You only have to write what you want.
There is dignity to preserve, so make sure you're in control.
Nothing you have done, are doing or will do, will affect your feelings about yourself, unless you let it.
Now, make the book entertainin and fun.
Talk about how you feel, about parts of your life.
But don't judge yourself harshly, ok. Please?
No ones got the right to judge you either.
You are a really special person.
You have come so far!
You deserve to pat ypurself on the back.
You have lived in parts of life that other celebrities can only imagine.
I know you will turn your experiance for the good.
You understand what it is to be washed up and despondent.
Thats a great wealth to tap into it can be very powerful.
You're trying so hard to do things right, I know it cant be that easy for you.
As a result, the great charm about what is you, is your lovely sweet spirit.
Its unique, very refreshing.
It doesnt seem at all worn or jaded.
Your joy la vivre comes across and is very infectious.
You are one, set alone.
AY?
Keep up the good work, your mates do seem committed to you.
Every day is a wonder for you.
Anyway, love you loads.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
We can all come to the sighnings!
If my weight should fluctuate
I can rest assured my feet will stay the same
If the weather clouds over
I can turn the lights on at home
Should the unspeakable happen
And my mood would darken
I could grasp the perplexity
weigh up the integrity
of the moods power
to overthrow
If I find that my mind
Is failing to sucsessfully unwind,
Theres paracetemol
But I would prefer to lie down
Shut my eyes and drowse
If my freinds are on and off
I can be an island
looking down from aloft
Be comforted that they
May not have found
Common ground
If my nerves get the better of me
I'll grin at its longevity
The better of me it will not find
Knowing sooner or later
Me it'll be behind
If my food seems the same
I'll put the kettle on
Have a cup of tea
And the boredom will wain
When I feel powerless to make a difference
I'll remember that the difference
will be of disputable gain
I was so relieved that ald Uncle Gordy Brown, decided to stay.
Today, in response, to him not being goaded to election, the Tories are pulling out the stops and throwing heavy insults around.
Sadly I can,t recall the exact words in the insult.
They are something like, "constipated and cowerdly!"
Thank goodness, these young whippersnappers didnt get their way!
If their dealings end up, in calling their opponents "constipated", it leaves one, in real doubt as to how they would manage in power.
They may well have said,
"Your mother is a floosy, your father, a mischiefous, leprecaun!"
Yes, very well.
Its all a bit public school.
"You ,didnt go to election!
Go down to the gym,
I am going to cane you for your impertinance, to teach you a lesson.
How dare you mock us..................
Oh we've, already mocked ourselves!"
The likes of Boris Jonson and David Cameron, are in the league the Hooray Henries.
It would just be foolhardy to champion,
The Tim Rich, but Dims.
They would be perfect as school head boys, though.
Coming from good families and showing their haughty, aloofness, from the realities of British life.
Great mascots!
I think the new Lord Mayor of London should be Russell.
He would be like the original Dick Whittington!
So many belts, with clasps that wouldn t let him down!
When are you going to do the show with just Matt, you could advertise for someone to accompany him in the Saturday show.
Russ could go on Olidy, and I would fill in with Mat.
He's so funny, bringing a touch of humour in at every oppertunity.
I love Mat!
His silly voices, his incredible long suffering humouring of Russ.
A perfect combination. You couldnt have one without the other.
Russel, you know you are the king, but Mat just seems to unzip the real you and you're both so frank together, like boys nattering privately. A lovely rapore.
I cant wait to see who you get to do the show with Ruscy. It will be great whatever. A change is as good as a break.
I wish Russ wouldnt say that he might have a nervous breakdown without Mat.
It brings out the co dependent in me.
Makes me want to look after Russ.
Over the years, I,m sure they have spent times apart. The thing I like about Mat is that he does know his own mind. Like when to take a break. It has been a punishing year for both Mat and Russ.
Mat s his own person and seems so stable, I think Russ kinda likes that.
Its nice to have a freind who makes you feel safe and comfortable.
If my head could rotate
My panoramic vision would be blurred
But i'd deal with it.
If the bus doesn't turn up on time
I will phone them up and whine
But I would still get to where I wanted to be
Ever heard of walking? Deal with it.
If hunger ever were to strike
I'll call up Domino's and they'd send out a trike
I would need to be patient
Cos of the postal strike
Hey ho. I'm a positive person
Another situation DEALT WITH.
If I found a mound
of dirt on my lawn
I wouldn't yawn
I'd put out a saucer of milk
For the gorgeous little creature
I love moles. They deal with it.
If my mobile phone runs out of batt
I'll probably use my landline
would have to be after 6
cos its a bit cheaper
And Mum can't deal with it if I abuse the fundamental rule.
I could be a hero
Saving lives all around
I'd be super-yawn
Cos I feel a tad tired.
Nothing a coffee wouldn't fix. Dealt with.
If my kitten scratches me to smitherines
I wouldn't mind,
I would go and find
The tube of Savalon* and I would be cured, moisturised and fine. Deal with THAT kitty!!
In YO face feline!
If I wanted to tie up a loose end
I'd get out my laces
get a personality transplant
stop watching the man
and get another beer
I don't think I can deal with this!
*(Other anticeptics are available)